You Are More ~ Tenth Avenue North

Love Came Down

Heavenly places part 2 (encounter with Poppa)

Part 2 of Heavenly Places


Again, I just want to say that everything I'm writing is what I experienced on Oct 17 2010 in a dream. I was taken to a "heavenly" place. I will try to relay everything as best as possible, but some things I saw is just too indescribable, so bear with me. If you have not read part one of Heavenly places, I encourage you to do so. Then you will be able to see the whole picture. Also, as I was coming in and out of consciousness, the sweet fragrant perfume continued to be in my bedroom. I believe it was sign from the Lord that I what I was experiencing was very real.


After I saw my son, I then found myself riding in the passenger side of a vehicle. I believe it was a pick-up truck, but I did not see the outside of it. The windshield was covered in rain drops, and it was hazy and hard to see out of. I was told that these were my tears. Then they were wiped away so I could see through the glass. The sky was the most amazing mysterious color. It was a golden color like a sunset, but not. Some of the colors I saw in this place I cannot describe or articulate. The sky was golden, and we began to move forward quickly. I asked, "where we are we going?" I was told that we were going to the future....my future. I noticed that I could not see in the back rear window, I could only see forward. As we were moving, I saw a big hillside that was covered with people...hundreds...thousands...I'm not sure, but I knew they were many. It was a city made of people. I did not see buildings, just a glorious sight of shiny glowing people. I knew these were the saints of The Lord and they belonged to the king of Glory. They were shining with reflecting glimmering iridescent lights. The sky line was continously changing colors -bright vivid colors of the rainbow: purple, raspberry, and all of it was marvelous and beautiful. Some colors I don't think we have here on earth. They were richer, more full of hue. I was filled with this beautiful sight. My heart was filling with the peace that all my troubles of this past season were away and I had a promise of beauty, joy, and fullness thereof.

Sometime during this whole experince I was crying and worshiping at Poppa's feet. I was grateful and thankful for him bringing me through the ugly, dark and painful times.

I, then, was out of the vehicle. I was still concerned about my project that I hadn't yet worked on. Poppa began to show me boxes of hearts that were on display. These were hearts of His people. They looked like they were made out of hand-blown glass, like ornaments. Some were purple, rainbow, mixed colors and patterns. I remember that I really admired the purple ones...they were very pretty. Poppa then showed me mine. He said, " I am making your heart clear so that others can see through it and find me." This answered some questionsI had about my life. I sometimes had been frustrated that others could easily see my tears, pain, mistakes and trials. I felt like I was an open book and it was difficult for me to hide or conceal how things were in my life. Now I understand He purposely has made my life transparent so that He can be given glory.

I mentioned to Poppa about my project. He said that He has already has seen the words to my song. They are written on my heart. I saw words flash before me. He said that I didn't have to make a project, because " You have already been tested, tried and found to be pure. You have been chosen." I felt peaceful and happy and humble. I knew that my interview was over and I was accepted for the ministry team.

I saw golden feet dancing. The ground beneath was golden and lit up. These beautiful feet were leaping, twirling in the air over the ground. I was told these were my songs....songs of deliverance.

I also saw strong, beautiful white horses galloping toward me. I'm not sure what the reason was, but I was reminded that Poppa and I sometimes ride on a white horse together while I'm worshiping Him.

I also saw a movie screen that had bright flashing images of things that I did not know. They were of colors. I knew this had to do with my life.

Poppa and I had a discussion about my love, the one in the green shirt. The one that had broken my heart. I asked him a question that had been concerning me for quite some time. "How come every time I am praising you and worshiping you, Poppa, I always see my love's face? I do not worship anyone but you. "

He answered ,"It is because you are one. You both worship me in spirit and in truth." He didn't tell me if were getting back together as a couple, but I knew were both called to the same ministry. To move and sing in the prophetic and to pray for others -that we would would reach many people for God's kingdom and glory.

I also was with someone who had coins and I took the smaller worth and left the greater valued coins to them. I don't know what this means.

I also reminded Poppa that last February, in my mommas' church I had recieved a prophetic word from a man. I was told that God would heal my heart from a past relationship, and that if I trust God, He would bring me in to the most wonderful greatest season of Life. I would be amazed and experience more than I could ever imagine.

Well, I believe that Poppa has healed this heart of mine. I no longer am depressed and I see things clearly now, so now my new season is upon me!!!! Praise be to The Lord who is worthy of all glory honor and praise. Thank you, Jesus..the King of Glory!

I woke up to daylight and my room was filled with the beautiful fragrant perume smell...a reminder that I had been with Poppa in a heavenly place. It was real. Also, that smell lingered on me for a few days. :)

heavenly places (encounter with Poppa)

This is an event that took place in the middle of the night of October 17th 2010. This was a spiritual dream. Some may not believe or they may feel confused because they don't have understanding of spiritual things. It's up to you to decide to read this or not, but I assure you that all that I am writing here is true. Some of the events may be relayed to you out of order. This is because I was in a place that had no time frame, and many things were happening. I was also in and out of consciousness, sometimes in my room, sometimes not. I will convey everything to the best of my ability. Some things I saw and experienced are very hard to decribe with words.

I must tell you the events before this journey took place. This was when I was awake and it preceeded the dream I had.

Saturday, October 16th I was in the shower getting ready to take a day trip to Seattle with a friend of mine. While I was showering, I suddenly smelled a very sweet and lovely perfume smell. I searched and sniffed the shampoos and soaps and even myself, trying to find where the scent was coming from, but couldn't. Even though I thought it was odd, I dismissed it for the time being and continued to get ready for the busy day ahead. We spent a long but fun-packed day at the Seattle center, the mall and Seattle's water pier. Window shopping, space needle, ghost hunting tour, then out to dinner afterward. It was a long but beautiful day.

When we got to my adoptive brother's house I went to bed. I texted a friend for a while and finally dozed off at around 2 a.m.

I suddenly was awoken from my sleep. I smelled a strong fragrant scent in the bedroom where I was sleeping. It was sweet and very beautiful. I did not know where it was coming from. I also felt a "presence" of something in the room. I was too tired to try figure or search this out, and since I was not feeling afraid, I went back to sleep.

The dream:

I ended up instantly in a room with a table. I was in a place that felt like a church. There were people in this room talking. I knew they were believers. I saw a flyer of a music band on the table. I looked at it and was excited and happy, because it appreared that I knew this music group (now, after the dream, I honestly don't remember the name, but in the dream I did, and was familiar with who this ministry team was). A few people came up to me and started talking to me. I saw a young man in his 30's dressed in casual, but trendy clothes. He wore a painters hat, a graphic designer tee, a brown jacket and jeans. He had amazing, gentle and warming blue eyes. I went to him and said, "You are my favorite". I knew that this man was the main musician and the star. He was in charge. He was confident, but also warm and caring. He gave me a hug. We talked for a little bit. I discovered that this ministry team was made of people who sang and played prophetic music. They also went and prayed for and helped others. A few of the team members came to me and started interviewing me. I was told they were looking for two girls and that I just may be one of them. I told them that I did not play an instrument, but I only wrote songs. They told me that they would need to see my work and that I might be chosen.

They also layed hands on me and prophesied over me and I was crying, because I felt God touching me. I begun to look around and noticed some others were being interviewed too. There were team members also praying and prophesing over them as well.

I glanced across the way and I noticed someone who was very dear to my heart. He was my true love. I knew it was him, because he had on a favorite hat he wore and a green shirt. He was being interviewed and I was not surprised, because I knew that he had been a worship leader once and he also composed songs and played a guitar.

I was happy for him. He did not see me, but I saw him. There was a white "being" that held a rock about the size of a child's fist that was glowing brightly. I saw this rock being placed on his mouth. Bright light was bursting out of his mouth. Then they took this rock and placed it over his chest area where his heart was. The light was very bright and looked like it pierced and broke out of his chest. I felt very happy and peaceful, because I knew he was being set free from bondages in his life. I was reminded that I had been faithfully praying for him to be delivered.

I began to look around some more and over heard people saying that they needed to get their "project" done by 10:00. Some were talking about going home to work on it. I, too, thought about leaving so I could work on my "project" as well. I needed to write the words of my song down on paper.

Then some of the team members dressed in white started walking with me up a breezeway. It was a wide hallway in the building. It had a hill-like angle, kind of like a bridge, but not a bridge. Along the sides of this wide hallway, I saw the most strange-looking creatures. They were peculiarly odd looking to me. They looked kind of like animals, but also like monsters -something I never had seen before. These creatures did strange things. They changed into other things in a moment -like a flash. I saw one creature that was about 2 feet tall grow to be about 6 or 7 feet tall instantly before my eyes. Even though these things were strange and to me even seemed ugly, I was not afraid. I looked and said, "this is very different and unusual -abnormal, I have not seen this before". I was told by a voice, "The veil has been lifted off your mind, and now you can see. You now have understanding." I realized I was not in a church, not on earth, but in a heavenly place.

As I was walking over this hallway, I realized I was not in a church, nor was I in an earthly place, but I was in a heavenly place -a different realm. I was okay with this and was not afraid. I was then being shown around on a tour of this place. I also realized the musician man was with me. He was the leader and he was showing me around. Also in the hallway, I saw my true love once again, the one in the green shirt. He turned into an ashen black stump right before my eyes and I was told he is not who he once was. I kept walking.

The musician that I was walking with and talking to began to change. I had also started addressing him as "Poppa" and he answered me when I called him this. His street clothes had changed to a white simple robe and he had long hair. The same gentle eyes and kind face was there. I realized that this musician man was my "Poppa"..Jesus the King of Glory.

I felt comfortable with Him and I felt like I knew him. I told him I had been hurt in my heart. He listened and held me. He also comforted me for a while. We did not discuss it, but kept moving along. As we kept moving through this place, I became wiser and had knowledge of spiritual things. Everywhere I went, it increased and things made more sense to me. I was being shown "mysteries" of heaven.

Poppa took me to a white fenced area. In this pen was a group of babies and toddlers playing around. Poppa asked me, "what will you do with these?" Then he went off to the side and watched and observed me. I went inside the pen and played with the children. I picked up rose petals and tossed them in the air over the babies. They laughed and enjoyed the petals falling on their heads. I felt an immense amount of love come out of me for these little ones. I looked over at Poppa and he was smiling at me. He was pleased with me. Soon, I was taken to another place.

I was taken to a room with a door that was open and I peered into the room. It was called the "project" room. Inside was my love again...the one in the green shirt. He was sitting at a table working on his "project". He was smiling and looked very happy and peaceful. He had a long yard stick in his hand and he was writing something down on paper. I saw him, but he did not see me. I noticed that whenever I saw someone being interviewed, they didnt see me. I was observing. I also kept thinking to myself that I needed to get my project done. I was concerned about it, but I was busy being shown around.

In the corner of this room I saw my oldest teenage daughter. She was being held up by 2 team members dressed in white. She was glowing and her face had sparkles. She was smiling a big huge grin. She was crying and shaking with the power from the Lord. The team members laid hands on her and she fell upon the floor. My love in the green shirt got up from the table and walked over to her. He got on his knees and knelt at my daughter's feet and laid hands on her. He was shaking with power of the Lord and weeping and praying for her.

I knew that my daughter was being interviewed too. She was being worked on. My daughter did not see me, but I saw her. I was soon out of the room. At one point during this time, I had turned to Poppa after glancing at my love and said, "This is my one true love". He didn't say anything, but listened.

My teenage son suddenly appeared before me. He had been weeping tears. He was sparkly and glowing too. He had the power of the Lord and I knew that he had been interviewed and he was chosen to be on the team. He did not have to make a project, because his was already done. I was so happy and felt very peaceful and assured. I was glad my son was chosen. Again I saw him, but he did not see me.

I have to stop and take a break...it will be continued..but I must go to bed. I have so much more to tell. :)

Tears Fall Like Rain

I thought I was making progress, but last night I wept. Grief kept soaking my pillow. The tears flowed until I drifted off to sleep. I wish I could get rid of this ache. I wish I could forget him entirely. Poppa, please hear my whispers, hear my heart's desire. Come quickly to answer. Each tear stands for each moment I thought of him. Each tear represents countless prayers. How does one pray for another who has injured and slain your heart? I don't comprehend it, but my heart is led by Poppa. So, injured or not, it prays. Cleanse away the pain, Oh Lord. Let me see a brighter day again. Poppa, erase him from my mind so I can move on -he's gone. He doesn't love me...he never did. I need to go forward. He's gone. Set me free, Poppa. Cut Jacob's name off my heart, it's already bloody and shredded. ...Rachel misses her Jacob. Why? why Leah?

Rain fall down on me...Grace like rain please fall down on me...wash this pain away. At least in the rain nobody can see these tears.

Beauty is emerging and treasures are found

Poppa (God) has been doing amazing things in me. The pain is still there, but not as bad. The ache still comes, but now I use it for prayer for the one who hurt me so deeply. I never thought forgiveness would be an issue for me. I usually always forgive quickly, but this time Poppa said, "You have to forgive him" and I honestly have to confess, it was a struggle, but I said "yes"...please help me.

I know I still love him, because there are times I feel a strong sense of praying for him -that feeling that can't be dismissed. He needs healing, he needs restoration and freedom from bondages. I guess thats whats called Agape love- Poppa's love, because my heart's desire is that he will be set free and be able to be all that God has called and purposed for him. This is a huge treasure in my heart, a treasure for Poppa, because he is a child of God too.

Romantically, my heart is shut down, and the walls are tall and wide. No one can get in but Poppa. The hurt is too much to feel anything romantic. The ugliness, the brokenness, the ashes, the disappointment, the rejection, and the abandonment are just too overwhelming right now.

I finally feel like something beautiful is emerging -it's coming out. I've been in the fire and continue to be. It's a painful process, but If I can keep my eyes on my Savior, I can make it through.

There are different levels and types of beauty. I believe Poppa has heard the cry of my heart and that I will shine for His purpose and glory so I can impact other's lives. He's answering, it's so painful, but it will be worth it. His glory rests upon my character and heart -forever stamped, tattooed on my soul. He is the lover of my soul, the song of my heart, the perfume I wear, the wine I drink. There's nothing that compares to this priceless treasure. Someday I will meet a man who will cherish this about me, because he too cherishes poppa.

Do my arms long to be physically held? Yes, always. My heart longs to love another that will appreciate and accept my love. I was meant to be a lover, best friend, and help mate. It's who I am.

Beauty Will Rise Out of Ashes

"...but buried deep beneath all our broken dreams -out of these ashes BEAUTY will rise. We will dance among the ruins. We will see it with our own eyes, for we know joy is coming in the morning. It will take our breath away to see the beauty He has made out of the ashes." ~ Stephen C. Chapman.

This pain has been so surreal...a walking nightmare. Somehow in it all, there's a determination that I will climb out of this pit. I will get out and recover. Poppa (God) and I have an agreement that any pain I go through in my life will not be wasted. I will come out stronger, better, and more beautiful than ever before -for His GLORY. Mistakes, trials, and pains all become radiant when His purpose is made evident. All things work together for the good of those who love God. It's His promise. Out of these ashes, beauty will rise. Death becomes life, struggle becomes strength, brokenness becomes diamonds -shining and glimmering. (I'm a girly girl and I love shiny things...I had better come out of this shiny!) Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered in shame. I've been through it all -so many heartaches and disappointments. Homelessness, sickness, death, abandonment, abuse, and rejection. I have always felt that one should help others down the road with what has been learned, grasped, or experienced -that I should bring a breath of fresh air someone's way: a drink of water, a word of encouragement, a piece of hope for the wounded to grab hold of. This world doesn't need condemnation, I told you so's, or judgement. Human beings need love when they are broken, bruised and hurt. They need not to be back-stabbed when they are already bleeding. They just need love. Poppa's pure love, and a whole lot of prayers.

The ache

The intense ache..it never seems to go away. No matter where I am or what I'm doing...it follows me, haunts me. Anything beautiful, anything special, anything that has to do with Poppa- it just makes me wish I was sharing it with him, the one I loved. I despise this ache. It's not fair -it's torture. I shouldn't be the one who is tormented by this, it should be him. He was the one that left, the one that walked away and threw away what was a beautiful gift. I want to hate, but I can't. I want to be bitter, but I can't, because the memories that were sweet still linger. This sucks. Sometimes the pain is so bad, I really would rather just die than face it again and again. Nighttime is the worst. The tears come, the thoughts come...he's with her and not me. He should be laying next to me, not her.

God in heaven, when will this end? Erase the thoughts of what could have been from my mind. I can't eat, can't sleep, and he doesn't deserve any of my thoughts, hopes or prayers. I've never been one to wish anything on anyone, I'm not cruel like that. I always want the best for every human being, but I do wish this: this pain, this torture...I wish it upon him. I hope I haunt his dreams. I hope he smells my scent, feels my hair in his face, and that his hands feel empty because I'm not in his arms. I hope and pray that when he closes his eyes he can't stop seeing my face and my eyes -the eyes that once captivated him, the smile that melted him, my supposedly soft skin that drove him crazy and made him crave for more, and that no other song but my voice will be in his head. I was his Rachel that he searched for for 25 years. May he feel the regret of his sheer foolishness. He used to say that he thought of me every second. Time can be his pain now, just like mine. When every second is so painful, it's so hard to breathe. When the tears have been dark murky fountains in a sea of agony, the pain, the darkness that engulfs; when death just grips because what should have, could have, and would have been together still lingers, the memory of when dreams weren't nightmares, but glimpses of hope and the future looked bright. That bright sunny day that was supposed to be ours. She never will be what I was to him, and he will always be left wanting more.

Lost

I'm not sure what the hell is wrong with me. it seems to be heartbreak every time. I was so in love with him. I absolutely adored him and would have done anything for him. Honestly, I think I loved him more than any man in my life. I could feel his heartbeat. I knew when he needed encouragement. I knew when he needed prayer. I swear sometimes we had the same thoughts -even for a midnight snack...we were in sync. Like two peas in a pod. I loved his voice, his smell, his touch -and he loved mine. He loved the way I touched him. I don't understand what makes a man go after something less when what he has is already great and beautiful. He was happy... he seemed happy anyway... Our talks late at night...cheesy love words. Our glasses of vino on the porch. I loved the way he Loved Poppa. We inspired each other spiritually. The music he played made my heart explode. I think we would have written music together....made our own love songs, but now it's gone...the music is gone. I know I would have been a best friend, a lover, and help mate to him. The bright sunny day on the beach is gone. He threw away the best thing he ever had...pure LOVE.

trying to trust

I have finally fallen in love. I finally gave my heart to someone, but why do I feel so afraid? so freakin' terrified? I can't seem to completely trust, because I'm so afraid I will be hurt again. Part of me says he's just going to leave like all the others.

I had a hard day -an off day. I feel like saying, "Am I the only one who says I love you?" or "Does he just say it because I do?" He's amazing and I am afraid I will blow it or chase him away. I already feel like he's forgetting my love. Does he still love my kisses? My touch?

Father, Abba hold me

I don't understand this dark time in my life. I am truly overwhelmed by this mysterious sickness. It's more than I can bear alone. Why now? I'm trying to keep myself and the kids above water, yet this storm has come in, pouring down more difficulties than I can stand. I wish my husband never left. Right now, I miss the strength and bond of having a partner who stands beside you during fearful times. I am used to dealing with physical pain, but this...it's too much. I haven't been able to work. I haven't  been bedridden like this in a long time. It scares me. The pressure of having to provide for 4 lives is like tidal waves that just slam me to the ground over and over. School is coming -can't we have another month or 2 to prepare? All I want is comfort right now...someone to hold me and say it will be all right. But no one is there, and desperate tears are lost. I don't know how to do this. Sometimes it seems that all people can say are judgemental words, but gosh, I wish they understood what it was like in my shoes...alone. I can't take any more, Poppa. Where are You? Please hold me tight and take care of my babies, because I can't. Take away this dreadful sickness. Give me some relief. Just please hold me.

I Dream

Someday....

I see a bright sunny summer day
Seagulls and the smell of salty air
Smiles and tears of loved ones who are near
Speaking words of eternal devotion
Promises that are never broken
Tender vows spoken
Whispers of sweet everythings
Shades of aqua and nickel
   the colors of the sea..
The sun reflecting off the waves
Sand between our toes
Melting in an ever-fixed gaze upon the eyes of my lover
I'm dressed in white, a thin veil swept across my face
music wafting to listening ears
Sparkling symbols of true commitment wrapped around fingers
Staying true to each other, forsaking all others
'til the very last breath each soul breathes
First dance, champagne, celebration
candles, guitar, rose petals..the scent of innocence...naked, in warm embraces

Keep moving forward

This week was a tough one. I swear the world was falling off it's rocker. Everyone around me seemed to be fighting...friendships dropping like flies. One thing I have learned from my divorce and my husband leaving: Don't ever take anyone for granted. Don't assume someone you love will always be there, because you just never know. I never dreamed he would walk out the door, but I have accepted it -that he just wants something different for his life. He has the acting bug and he is happier when he's doing what he loves.

What makes me happy? It really is just little things -like the sky last night, pink sunset streaks through the clouds, the smell of the ground after a rain, a warm conversation with a girlfriend or anyone, or roses that get sent to the house unexpectedly...oh, I so needed that after a bad day (actually bad week...lol). I really appreciate friendships and keep hoping for someone to love in every way again. Patience...I wish God didn't think I needed any...

Maybe God's working on someone's life...preparing him for me. I know he works on mine. sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. I either have guys who will throw out "I love you" like its candy, or it's "I'm not worthy of you" -go figure. Isn't there anyone who can really know what love is?

Well, the sunshine is out and I finally got sleep -real sleep, and maybe that's just what I needed after a week of tears and frustrations. It's a new day. Just keep moving forward. By Jenny Williams. Copyright 2010.

Simply Me...

I am:
Silly, funny, loving, quirky, sweet and passionate

I want:
To make a positive difference in people's lives. To love and be loved. To live out the potential God has for me.

I have:
The best friends, the most incredible family, and a God who never fails.

I wish:
I didn't have to go through this season in my life. Single life is hard.

I hate:
I strongly dislike judgmental people, disappointing someone, selfishness, seeing children abused or neglected, and when men only desire a woman for her body.

I fear:
not being able to accomplish what I was meant to do, or being rejected again.

I hear:
The sound of country music...it's in my blood, my heart and soul- I must be a true southern in the way I'm wired..lol.

I search:
For the answers to my "whys", but know I won't get them.

I wonder:
If God really has a plan for me and my kids in all this, about the "what ifs", and if I will ever be loved again.

I regret:
I choose to not regret...but learn from life's lessons of this journey I'm on.

I love:
My beautiful kids, my true friends, my family and my Lord and Savior- Jesus.

I ache:
To be held...to be comforted. I ache for this pain to go away. I ache for brighter days. I ache to be loved forever with a pure love. To be a wife, lover, companion, a soul mate.

I always:
Choose GOD. I may mess up, I may stumble, I may get lost sometimes, I'll never be perfect, but I always belong to God....my Poppa :)

I usually:
Notice the little things: sights, smells, sounds, textures. I experience everything.

I am not:
I may be feeling lonely and hurt right now, but I'm not destroyed, and I will be stronger and better than before. I'll take this pain and use it for good for someone else down the road.

I Sing:
In the shower, to my Heavenly Father -Poppa, the ones I love, in the car silly and not in tune..lol.

I dance:
In the rain, when snowflakes are falling, and in my living room with my babies.

I never:
Want to hurt again like this.

I rarely:
Refuse to help someone who is hurting or needs encouragement.

I cry:
silent tears...especially at night. It's a lonely road right now. I never thought a human could cry so many tears.

I am not always:
Going to hurt like this. It will get better, right? 

I lose:
My self confidence when I place it in other people's hands; never again. I discovered something in all this. I like myself -I love myself. I like who I am: my quirky personality and my curvy body, I like me the way I am. If I ain't good enough for a man, then too bad for him.

I'm confused:
As to why someone doesn't love me anymore.

I need:
To keep moving, keep living, keep loving, and keep trusting Poppa. I can do this.

I should:
Be thankful for every blessing, every prayer, every blissful moment...because in a moment it can all be lost or taken away.

I dream:
Of seeing my dreams fulfilled, a diamond transformed from my brokenness, a bright sunny day on a beach saying vows that last forever to the one who will love me in return.

By Jenny Williams. Copyright 2010