Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Father, Abba hold me
I don't understand this dark time in my life. I am truly overwhelmed by this mysterious sickness. It's more than I can bear alone. Why now? I'm trying to keep myself and the kids above water, yet this storm has come in, pouring down more difficulties than I can stand. I wish my husband never left. Right now, I miss the strength and bond of having a partner who stands beside you during fearful times. I am used to dealing with physical pain, but this...it's too much. I haven't been able to work. I haven't been bedridden like this in a long time. It scares me. The pressure of having to provide for 4 lives is like tidal waves that just slam me to the ground over and over. School is coming -can't we have another month or 2 to prepare? All I want is comfort right now...someone to hold me and say it will be all right. But no one is there, and desperate tears are lost. I don't know how to do this. Sometimes it seems that all people can say are judgemental words, but gosh, I wish they understood what it was like in my shoes...alone. I can't take any more, Poppa. Where are You? Please hold me tight and take care of my babies, because I can't. Take away this dreadful sickness. Give me some relief. Just please hold me.