Sunday, July 31, 2011

In His Hands

I said goodbye to my one true earthly love. I couldn't face him in person. I didn't want him to see the hurt on my face or the many tears I had been shedding that day. He came to get his stuff. The green shirt is gone. The scent of his clothes...gone. I kept hoping he would realize that I and the kids were the best thing that ever happened to him; that we were blessings Poppa had brought into his life, that we love him and need him. My heart is so broken it's hard to see a brighter day ahead, but I know I have to move forward without him. He didn't want me in his, his Rachel, the one he loved.

I pray for him, but have little or no hope that he will return. I promised I would never beg him to come back, and I won't. I won't pursue his love. He should have been pursuing me. My heart wishes he would realize what he's lost and decide to become a man, get a job, go to church and make something of himself so he can be the husband and father he was meant to be to us, but only a surendered heart and Poppa could make that happen.

I've let go of my one true love. I gave my love for him to Poppa, because it hurts too much to have any love in my heart. Poppa heal me. It hurts so much I don't want to breathe.

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