Thursday, May 3, 2012

I Love You Like Crazy

I love much it hurts -aches, because you don't choose to love me back. I don't understand this kind of love -to love someone who has hurt me over and over again, but yet I still do. Am I just in love with needing your love and approval? I've questioned myself deeply and the answer is: no. I have learned how to live without your love every time you gave up on us and our dreams. Each time you put thick bricks of isolation around you and wouldn't let me in to your heart or emotions, I learned how to go without. The nights of silently crying and feeling so alone even though you were laying next to me. This kind of love doesn't make sense -love with no return of affection, words of endearment or looks of devotion in your eyes. The only thing I can even grasp and somehow can relate is the love that Jesus had when He died on the cross. His selfless act for all those who rejected Him, hurt Him, betrayed Him. He layed Himself down, because of LOVE -because of His love for us. I can still remember the night God deposited love in my heart for you. I had no idea what the journey would hold; the tears, the pain I would endure having this love for you. I know that Love is a choice, but I also know there are many levels of love. It can go deep -far past the superficial "I needs' and "I wants".... Just as 1 Corinthians 13 states: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."  True love doesn't have a condition (I will only love you " if"- There is no "if" in love-Only "I will"). Jesus didn't choose to die for us if we would clean ourselves up or love Him back. He loved us first knowing we may not love back. This is huge, and honestly, how many couples love like that? How many are committed to loving even if the other is not doing their part. I don't condone physical abuse or living in danger for your life or your children's. I don't mean that we should be a doormat for being beaten, cheated on over and over by sexual or emotional affairs, but I do believe in loving at all times. Crazy!!!!! Not the norm, I suppose. Oh, to be loved like this by the ones we love. Wedding vows used to mean something: laying down ourselves for the other. In good times and in bad, in sickness an in health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others until our last breath. Husbands come back and choose to do what is right. Wives too. Walk in love, even when you don't feel it. Maybe she's waiting ...waiting for you to be the man and step up to the plate and do what is right. A woman needs to be loved by your actions, not just your words. Maybe she's waiting for you to show her you would be willing to fight for her and the promises you made. You don't have to be perfect, but just be honest and love her with your whole heart. We don't want to share your heart with another, we want to be the only one. A woman who truly loves a man will love him in spite of his weaknesses and failures. She will get on her knees when she sees you going under, and will support you spiritually when you are discouraged. A good woman was meant to be your helpmate and strength beside you -that's how Poppa God intended it. She sees your faults, but encourages you and believes for your future even when you can't yourself. She will forgive you for being a fool, if you're "man" enough to admit that you were wrong and you follow through with making it right. As the Good Book says: "Blessed is the man who finds a good wife. He has found favor with the Lord" A good man will acknowledge he needs her in his life.


  1. Sometimes we just have to let it go. I feel a sense of pain in your heart as you write this. Love is unconditional, but relationship is always conditional.

    1. Thats good. God always loves us, but He expects us to obey what He says.

    2. If we focus on what they can do for us, we'll always be disappointed. Only Christ can love us in the way we deserve to be loved.