Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Guitar Strings

Every time I see a Taylor guitar I think of him. When my ears hear acoustic, I feel him. His hands strumming and the strings he plays are my heart. The notes are hypnotic. My throat longs to sing out and make a melody with him. Before he came to get all his belongings, I prayed. I layed hands on his guitar and anointed it with oil. Because I know and I feel he has purpose and he has destiny that has been waiting for him to let go and surrender to it.
It's been so hard. I feel I got lost in the fog that's thick like in London. I felt like I was reaching out and grasping in the silence, turning every which way as I strain to hear his music. His heartbeat is my music. I guess when you become one with someone, you know what they are feeling. You sense when they are having a rough day or if they are hurting, even if you're apart. He played for me on our wedding night. I could tell he was nervous, which was kinda cute. I remember when we were in the soaking pool at the hotel we stayed at -him holding me in his arms and telling me how beautiful I was over and over again. I wish, I wish I could go back in time with him to that night. I would tell him, "Please, no matter what, don't give up on us, no matter how dark it might seem, because I promise you -I promise you, I will be with you by your side -even in the dark, baby." I would sing to him in the lonely darkness...sing him out of his pit. Maybe he could find his way again. My eyes are blurred with tears even now thinking of him.
I believe we would have made beautiful music together if we both would just let go, it would have been genuinely heavenly, because lyrically I flow easily, and he masters arrangement. We both play and sing what we feel, so it would have been explosive, but most importantly, we both know how to get immersed and totally lost in worship with Poppa. That's one thing we have thats not forgettable, nor ever something that could be denied. Maybe sometime when I'm lost in worship I will bump into him again, when his heart is healed and he's engulfed by and surrendered to Poppa. If not, then his music haunts me and I know my voice lingers in his heart and head, because Rachel always has Jacob forever with her.

"I always love you. I always will."

Psalm 149:3
Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.


  1. WOW Jenny--that is beautiful! Great job of expressing your feelings both then and now, and the pic with it reiterates your thoughts. May God be with you and guide your footsteps, now and in the future. I also pray that you will be a blessing to others through Ruby Wives. Love you Jenny!
    Vicki Marney

  2. My husband being a guitar player too, I can feel what you're expressing about those guitar strings. It puts me in a trance just thinking about him playing. When I go to church, I watch the worship team playing and I can see my husband playing with them one day. That is my prayer, because where he plays now, doesn't glorify God. And I believe in my heart that God wants to use his talents for so much more than where he is at now! Praying for our musicians and for God to give us the strength to endure this.

    Jenny, does your husband have any music posted on YouTube? I'd love to hear him play.

  3. Beautiful. What love you have for a man who continues to be abusive to you. How he must love reading your posts, it must stroke his ugly ego. His heart is dark, and I pray that you be protected from his evilness. A man who calls himself a Christian and does evil, brings shame to the name. One day, the Lord will shine a light and all will be revealed. Stay strong.