bear with me

trying to iron out some kinks

Season Of Change

Have you been through the dark valley? Have you been in a drought of joy or peace? Have you suffered a season of brokenness and tears? Has it seemed to last so long that you feel like it's never going to change? There is a time for all seasons under heaven to change. Your time will come. My life is proof of this. I went through a very long dark night of the soul and I have found His grace has sustained me and brought me through. I wrote this spontaneous song in the shower:

He gives me His song of deliverance, His love song of praise. 

He will give you one too. Hold on, Beloved. 

Your time of joy will come, I'm praying for you.

The season of change is here, Love surrounding me..

 His joy has been my strength.

 The pain and suffering are like leaves that are falling 

and all that is left are Your promises that remain. 

In You I have found that I have nothing lacking. 

In You I have all that I have ever need of. 

The wind of Your spirit is swirling around me

 blowing away all the pain and the shame.. 

Your love is sweet and thick on me like honey,

 and dripping is Your mercy and favor on my face. 

 Your grace -double grace is now falling like rain. 

All those who misunderstood and perhaps misjudged me 

are blessing me in your glorious name. 

Through it all I have found You to be faithful and true. 

The air is sweet and Your breath I feel in this place. 

In the dark night You walked me through. 

You never left my side.

Jesus, Your joy is mine and I'm forever grateful and dancing this time.

 My tears are dried and my suffering is falling like leaves and are blown away

and all that is left are your promises that remain. Copyright 2012, Jenny Williams.

Words Are Powerful- What Are you Saying?

Psalm 19:14 "May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." One of the greatest pieces of wisdom that can change things is knowing how much power is in your words. What you speak to yourself, your husband or wife, your children and even to your situations, can and will come to be. Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Everything God accomplishes is by speaking. There are many scriptures in the Bible about this very thing. What you speak will come to pass, whether good or bad, so choose wisely. Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." At the end of our lives every idle word we have spoken will be taken accounted for. 1 Samuel 2:3 "Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the LORD is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed." WOW. How many idle words have I spoken in my life? When you are upset with your spouse do you say things like, "You never listen to me... You always..." These words are negative seeds and yes, they will grow and produce a fruit. Job 15:6 "Your own mouth condemns you, not mine; your own lips testify against you."  Psalm 119:103 "How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!"  Proverbs 4:24 "Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."  Proverbs 6:2 "you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth." So, dear friends, remember to always be mindful of what you say. Psalm 119:43 "Never take Your word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in Your laws." 

Reflecting back (God Was Here The Whole Time)

I was reading over some of my old writings and came across this one. So much has happened since that day. I remember how broken and raw I was back then, after my husband of nearly 13 years walked out on God and me. I have come a long way. Poppa God has done so much heart surgery on me. Reading this old post reminds me of His faithfulness and the strength He has been to me all this time. I'm no longer heartbroken. I no longer feel the need to have the attention of any man. Instead, I feel contentment. I feel humbled and honored and happy to be helping others on their journeys of healing as well. As I surrendered my heart's desires on the altar, He placed an all consuming passion to encourage wives daily; to stand in the gap in prayer for them, and to share the wisdom and treasures I have gathered along the way. His love for marriage has been a blazing fire in my heart. God has been so good to me even through the thousands of tears I've shed. He is faithful. Now our ministry is growing, marriages are being healed, lives are being transformed, and all I can say is to God be the glory and oh, how all this pain and suffering has been worth it in the end. I can't wait to share my entire story -to encourage other women and let them know that God is in control and that He makes everything beautiful in His timing -even the ashes of our lives, the mistakes we make, and the struggles we've endured. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. 

September 24 2010 "ME" by Jenny Williams:  I am.. silly, funny, loving, creative, sweet, passionate. I want.. to make a positive difference in people's lives, to love and be loved, to live the potential God has created in me. I have.. the best friends, the most incredible family, and a God who never fails. I wish.. that I didn't have to go through this season of my life. I hate.. judgmental people, disappointing someone, selfishness, seeing children abused or neglected. I fear.. not being able to accomplish what I was meant to do, being rejected again. I hear.. the sound of country music in my head. I search.. for the answers to my "whys", but know I won't get them. I wonder.. if God really has a plan for me in all of this. I wonder about the "what ifs". I regret.. I choose to not regret, but to learn life's lesson from this journey I'm on. I love.. my beautiful kids, my true friends, my family, and My Lord and Savior. I ache.. to be held, to be comforted, for this pain to go away. I ache for brighter days. I ache for someone I love. I always.. choose God. I may mess up, I may stumble, I may get lost sometimes -I'll never be perfect, but I'll always belong to God. I usually.. notice the little things: sights, smells, sounds, textures... I experience everything. I am not.. I may be broken and hurt right now, BUT I'M NOT DESTROYED, and I will be stronger and better than before. I dance.. in the rain, when snow flakes are falling, in my living room with my babies. I sing.. in the shower, to my kids, to the ones I love, in the car, silly and out of tune..lol. I never.. want to be hurt again like this. I rarely.. refuse to help someone who is hurting or needs encouragement. I cry.. a lot lately -morning, noon, and night, but it's getting better. I never thought a human could have so many tears. I am not always.. going to hurt like this. It will get better. I lose.. my self confidence when I place it in other people's hands, may I never do that again! I've discovered something in all of this: I like myself -I love myself -I like who I am; my quirky personality, my curvy body, I like myself the way I am. If I'm not good enough for a man than too bad for him. I'm confused.. as to why he doesn't love me anymore. I need.. to keep moving, keep living, keep loving, keep trusting God. I can do this. I should.. be thankful for every blessing, every prayer, every blissful moment, because in a moment it can all be lost or taken away. I dream.. of seeing my dreams fulfilled, brokenness turned whole, with love and laughter.

One Of Those Days

Sometimes I just want comfort, because the ache of missing someone is so great. I just don't want to get out of bed, because the thoughts haunt and linger like an old friend, and I wonder if they remember me. Sometimes I just don’t want to fake a smile, because the emotions are just way too close to the surface and it feels like I’m truly at the breaking point of a tear slipping down. No, thank you. I have come this far. So I just want to eat some chocolate, or maybe a comforting gourmet cheese sandwich with soup; but please, please don’t drag me anywhere. I’m just tired, very tired. I know this temporary feeling will pass just like a quick little rain shower. I’m not going backward, I refuse to do that. I’m going forward, if only someone could hold me and not say a word. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2012. All rights reserved.

"Don't Have Love" (Official Music Video) - Christian singer Holly Starr:...

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Lyric Video)

Good Morning, Poppa God

Being a mom, a wife, a friend, a minister of the gospel, a chauffeur, a housekeeper, and everything else we women tend to be, we must always make time for God. He should get special attention, whether it's early in the morning before the sun rises, or in the pale moonlight while everyone in the house sleeps. Spend time with the Lord. Read a passage of His word. Listen to worship music and let the cares of your day wash away. Speak to Him when you're in the shower, or waiting for the light to turn green at an intersection. Live a lifestyle of chatting with Him throughout the day. It's not about how much time, but rather quality time. He has things He wants to say to you. He loves to whisper, "I love yous" in your ear. You just need to be listening with your heart. We women get so busy. We must realize that Mary in the Bible had it so right when she stopped in the middle of her busyness and just sat at His feet. Martha missed out because she was too concerned with all the work that needed to be done. Look for those moments in between the "Mommy, Mommys". Learn to teach your kids that sometimes you need quiet time and that they can play quietly or read a book while you're having prayer time. I used to sit in my rocking chair when my kids were little. They knew this meant Mama wasn't to be disturbed while praying. This also sets the stage for your kids to grow in good habits of spending time with God. We all have our seasons and times in our lives to change as our family life changes. Even if its 10 minutes or one hour, just make it a valuable, cherished time of soaking in God's presence. He is longing for us. He delights in us talking to Him throughout the day.

Even when others walk out in your life...His love never runs out on you. Kristian Stanfill - One Thing Remains - Passion 2012

How To Make Your Home A Sanctuary

We as wives have the ability to set the tone and mood of our home. It is a God given privilege and honor that He has given us this ability. Have you ever noticed the saying, "If the wife ain't happy then no one is?" It's true, and it's up to us to create a sanctuary in our homes for our husbands and children. How do we do this?        

1. The number one thing is our attitude and our tongue. Our voices usually will reflect what our mood is. Speaking harshly, nagging, yelling, critical words -all of these can make a home feel like a war zone instead of a soft place to land. The Bible says, (Proverbs 21:9) "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Men especially cannot stand someone who nags or is repetitively complaining. It naturally turns on their signal jammer to tune you out, so you're really not winning when you nag. The best thing to do is to mention something once and then go to prayer about the issue, if you are not getting the response you desire of your husband. Also, Proverbs 15:1 says this: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." How we answer or how we respond with our mouths makes a difference.
2. Remove chaos and clutter. This is an area I always need to work on. Is your house messy and full of piles of stuff? Proverbs 31:27 "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." In today's translation that would mean housekeeping. Your house doesn't have to be spotless. I know with small children it can be very challenging, but are there stacks of things that need to be donated to the thrift store? If you don't use it on a regular basis then I suggest either storing it in the garage or donating it to a local charity. Men do NOT like to come home to a huge mess especially after working hard all day. Who does? If you feel uptight or anxious in your house, you may need to do some spring cleaning. Get the family involved and spruce things up. Your bedroom should be the best room of your house: peaceful and clean -a relaxing haven. Think of it as your "love" den. Ask your husband if he likes the bedroom? Listen to him if he complains that the bedspread has too many flowers or the walls are pink. The colors of your decor should be something you both like. 
3. What's the spiritual tone in the house? What do I mean by that? Are there children fighting and screaming, is everyone not getting along? When the tension is rising this is what you can do: light some candles. It creates a calming feel. Play some worship music. Start praying out loud and ask God to bring His sweet peace and love in your home. Believe me it works! You can actually see a difference with the kids and your own mood. When you know your husband has had a bad day, do this before he gets home. Sometimes I will leave christian music playing on in my home even when I'm out doing errands. It's a great thing to come home to. 
4. I know most women now work outside of the home these days, but if you can master this one thing, do it. When you greet your husband as he walks in the door or as you walk in the door, have a smile on your face and let him know you missed him. Also, Romans 16:16 says "Greet one another with a holy kiss." Plant a nice one on his lips when you leave or come home. Don't go into a full long paragraph of all the troubles or irritations of the day. Let him have a chance to relax and unwind. You can still share what's on your mind, but create a time of enjoying each each first. Husbands are more receptive if you approach things this way. It's how they are wired. Let him know often how much you appreciate that he works hard for the family and that he provides. Praise goes a long way. We all like to feel appreciated. These few things are simple and they can make your living environment nice. Keep your nest a safe and restful refuge. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2011

Being God's Daughter

Being Poppa God's daughter doesn't change, even if we feel like we have totally blown it. Sometimes we feel like we're too much of a mess for God to love us, and we even begin to think no one else can love us either, especially if they really knew us. Going through much pain from my past abuse and abandonment, I know what I'm talking about. Growing up, I had a Dad who didn't pay much attention to me. I would have been a great Daddy's girl. It's just in me. I sometimes fill up with envy when I see young girls with their Dads. Why couldn't I have had that? Mine was there growing up, but not really there emotionally. I didn't get kisses and hugs good night. I didn't get tucked in bed by my Dad. He really didn't participate in my every day life. He was absent from birthday parties and milestones. Always longing for love and affection from my Dad, I tended to attract the wrong attention from the opposite sex. Because of this, I experienced abuse of every kind. I would always settle for less, just hoping to be loved. I didn't sleep around, but I did end up in relationships with unhealthy guys. Being abused mentally and physically. I even ended up marrying at the young age of 18 and living a nightmarish hell-on-earth experience being beaten, choked, fighting over a loaded gun, and my life being threatened. Those images have faded and barely seem real to me anymore, because I did survive and overcome. God was gracious and merciful. He brought me out to the other side. But even after deciding in my heart that I would never allow a man to hit me or to raise a hand to me again, I still would still accept a false love from other men. I traded physical abuse for being mentally and emotionally abused. The pattern would repeat itself, and for some reason, no matter much love I would pour out for the one I loved, I would be abandoned over and over again. I felt like a lost, scared little girl that so badly wanted her Daddy to love her. I let men degrade me and ruin my self confidence and esteem. I felt the pain of criticism when my second husband of thirteen years walked out on me. People at church judged me. I felt dirty, ashamed and embarrassed. I felt not good enough for anyone and wondering if I just plainly deserved to not be loved. At times I think my punishments to myself were worse than any physical blow to my body. Bruises heal up, words are are harder to overcome. Like stubborn permanent scars or tattoos. In all of this, I just wanted and craved to be loved. It's been a long journey of healing. A little at a time...many layers...like an onion. I still at times feel a pain in my heart wishing I could be a Daddy's girl, but I'm now relying on Poppa God to fill that role and hole in my heart. I write this to remind someone: anyone who feels ugly, broken, stained, useless, or abandoned. Even if you gave yourself away to another hoping to be loved. Even if you compromised your boundaries, received the wrong attention from a guy, either willingly or unwillingly, you are still loved. You are still precious. You are still God's daughter and He sees His righteousness in you. He doesn't see your robe or dress as dark, dingy, or tattered. He sees His love and grace as your clothing. Don't let the enemy lie to you. Don't let guilt and shame strip you of being confident in who you are. You are beautiful. You are SO worthy of being loved. And nothing...nothing can separate you from being loved by your Poppa God.

  Psalm 34:5 Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."  Jeremiah 31:3 "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'"  Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Isaiah 61:10 "I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

Afraid To Love

It can be frightening to love again, especially after someone you cared for, adored, and desired has walked away or betrayed you. Intimacy can be so scary. You want to open up, but you're afraid your love will spill over and be lost or rejected again. God is the only one who won't disappoint. Love is a risk. Love is laying yourself down for another's happiness, it's giving freely and not expecting a forced return. To those who are struggling to rebuild the trust and intimacy, it will happen one step at a time. ♥ There is Hope in Christ's Love. ♥ For the one who has hurt their spouse, be patient. Be willing to accept that trust has to be earned back. ~ Ruby Wives