How To Make Your Home A Sanctuary

We as wives have the ability to set the tone and mood of our home. It is a God given privilege and honor that He has given us this ability. Have you ever noticed the saying, "If the wife ain't happy then no one is?" It's true, and it's up to us to create a sanctuary in our homes for our husbands and children. How do we do this?        

1. The number one thing is our attitude and our tongue. Our voices usually will reflect what our mood is. Speaking harshly, nagging, yelling, critical words -all of these can make a home feel like a war zone instead of a soft place to land. The Bible says, (Proverbs 21:9) "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Men especially cannot stand someone who nags or is repetitively complaining. It naturally turns on their signal jammer to tune you out, so you're really not winning when you nag. The best thing to do is to mention something once and then go to prayer about the issue, if you are not getting the response you desire of your husband. Also, Proverbs 15:1 says this: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." How we answer or how we respond with our mouths makes a difference.
2. Remove chaos and clutter. This is an area I always need to work on. Is your house messy and full of piles of stuff? Proverbs 31:27 "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." In today's translation that would mean housekeeping. Your house doesn't have to be spotless. I know with small children it can be very challenging, but are there stacks of things that need to be donated to the thrift store? If you don't use it on a regular basis then I suggest either storing it in the garage or donating it to a local charity. Men do NOT like to come home to a huge mess especially after working hard all day. Who does? If you feel uptight or anxious in your house, you may need to do some spring cleaning. Get the family involved and spruce things up. Your bedroom should be the best room of your house: peaceful and clean -a relaxing haven. Think of it as your "love" den. Ask your husband if he likes the bedroom? Listen to him if he complains that the bedspread has too many flowers or the walls are pink. The colors of your decor should be something you both like. 
3. What's the spiritual tone in the house? What do I mean by that? Are there children fighting and screaming, is everyone not getting along? When the tension is rising this is what you can do: light some candles. It creates a calming feel. Play some worship music. Start praying out loud and ask God to bring His sweet peace and love in your home. Believe me it works! You can actually see a difference with the kids and your own mood. When you know your husband has had a bad day, do this before he gets home. Sometimes I will leave christian music playing on in my home even when I'm out doing errands. It's a great thing to come home to. 
4. I know most women now work outside of the home these days, but if you can master this one thing, do it. When you greet your husband as he walks in the door or as you walk in the door, have a smile on your face and let him know you missed him. Also, Romans 16:16 says "Greet one another with a holy kiss." Plant a nice one on his lips when you leave or come home. Don't go into a full long paragraph of all the troubles or irritations of the day. Let him have a chance to relax and unwind. You can still share what's on your mind, but create a time of enjoying each each first. Husbands are more receptive if you approach things this way. It's how they are wired. Let him know often how much you appreciate that he works hard for the family and that he provides. Praise goes a long way. We all like to feel appreciated. These few things are simple and they can make your living environment nice. Keep your nest a safe and restful refuge. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2011

Providing A Safe Haven

Wives have the ability to provide a safe and pleasant haven for our spouses and children. God entrusted us with the power to set the tone and environment for our families. Proverbs 14:1 says,
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Have you ever heard the saying, "If the wife ain't happy then no one is"? It's so true. Have you noticed when you have had a bad day and you remained grouchy, the kids and the husband started being in a foul mood too? Our words, our vocal tones and actions affect our homes and marriages. We set the stage. If there is strife, foul language, cupboard doors slamming, etc., this makes a home not a safe, relaxing place. If we're stomping around and pouting, grumbling and complaining the minute our husband walks in the door, he's honestly not going to want to come home to that. A home should be restful, a place of refreshing and rejuvenation, cozy, warm, and inviting. When I say this, I don't mean that we as wives can't have a bad day or that we can't ever express how we feel about situations, but we do have to be aware that our attitudes affect everyone around us. We are the queens of the castle, so to speak, so what we dish out is what's going to be on the table for our loved ones to take in.

Proverbs 31:25-28 talks about a godly wife and her influence on her family:
"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her."

It's our very nature to have our homes be a nest. This is where we create a dwelling place for our families. We, as women, take pride in the way our decor and home looks like to others. We often feel it's a reflection of who we are as women. Why else do we spend so much time and money picking out the colors of paint for the walls and drapes, etc.? Just for that very reason, but if we aren't careful, all of our efforts are a waste. If there aren't peace and love in our homes, then it's meaningless. Proverbs 21:9 says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Ain't that the truth?

When our man walks in the door from a hard day of work, he needs to feel he can catch his breath and get a break from the weariness and stresses. Yes, I know that you are thinking, "What about me? I work too. I work full time, chasing after little ones all day. I'm just as tired and exhausted. Don't I count?"

My answer to that would be...I know this sounds so "Leave It To Beaver" and old fashioned...but we do count. We are given the privilege to make it fabulous for our families. It's a valuable honor to be given such responsiblity. If you're tired, just try to remember to do a few small things. Your husband might not mention the changes, but I assure you he will notice and he will like it being more peaceful.

I'm not saying we have to be super woman, or that we have to spin around three times and have a 7 course meal on the table every night, or that we have to wear high heels or pearls and walk around giving our husband his pipe, newspaper and slippers at the end of the day. I have talked to other men and researched what they desire their homes to be like. Most would agree that they like things to be clutter free and peaceful.
As wives, we know it's inevitable that there will be messes (especially if we have little ones) and times when we need to catch up on housework, but if your home is always cluttered and in disarray, that's not good. The Bible mentions often about keeping our houses in order. Most people feel much more peaceful walking into a room that is clutter free and smells pleasant.

Some simple ideas to create an inviting environment are:
If the kids have been rowdy and fighting, play some worship or instrumental music. This helps subdue everyone. Light a few candles before the hubby walks in the door. Candles take only a few seconds to light and it makes a world of difference.

A warm smile from you hits the spot. If there's something serious you need to discuss, wait until he's had time to unwind from the day. There's always a right or wrong time to bring stuff up. It's definitely not when he just gotten home.
Try to keep clutter to a minimum. If you have noticed the rooms where your husband likes to hang out are being overcome by knick-knacks, collections, toys, etc., take a half day to remove the extras you don't really need. It's freeing and you will be able to chill more too. Keep the wall colors simple -most men are drawn to neutral tones. I hate to disappoint you, but your man does not like to be surrounded by pink, flowery fluff. It's not relaxing, he may not complain about it, because he loves you so much, but consider his feelings when choosing decor for your home, and let's be brutally honest...having to make love on a flower comforter with lace doesn't really inspire him either.

These are some things that can help make things a more pleasant place to be -and remember, creating a safe place to land and having your home be a haven begins with you. You are the heart of the home. :)