What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Sex: From a Man's Perspective

* "I wish she would understand that I connect with her emotionally when I connect with her body." 
Men are wired differently. Men connect emotionally when they connect physically.

*"I wish she didn't get hung up about her flaws. I only notice her curves, her smile, and her confidence. A happy woman is a confident one. She's beautiful to me even with stretch marks, wrinkles, slight bulges, etc."

*I wish she would just let go. I wish she would just embrace being passionate and sensual it the bedroom. I'm turned on when I know she's being pleasured by me. She can be as loud as she desires." A woman who embraces her sensuality can be open and delicious for her man. God created sex to be pleasurable between husband and wife.

*"I wish she would not say "NO" or "Not tonight" so often. I understand when she's sick, pregnant or just given birth to our newborn, but lengthy and repeated "No's" make me feel rejected and hurt. I feel less of a man when she turns me away. I wish she knew I needed her when I reach for her." It's scientifically proven that men actually physically need sexual release every 72 hrs. Their sperm count and testosterone levels change and get high. It can get physically very uncomfortable for a man if he has no release.

*I wish she would talk "sexy" to me. I wish she would whisper in my ear her wants and desires. I wish she talked grown up talk in the bedroom and not about the household chores, kids, etc. at bedtime. I wish she would send me sexy text messages meant just for me when we're apart. I feel on cloud nine when I know she desires me."

*I wish she didn't wear flannel pajamas, granny night gowns, ugly sweats to bed." In general, men are more turned on and prefer silk, satin, small and dainty...or nothing on at all. Your bare skin next to his is heaven on earth for him.

*"I wish she would let me see her naked more often and not always be trying to hide her body because she's afraid I'll notice her flaws." Men are visual creatures. Naked is always good. Have sex with the lights on sometimes. He notices your curves and beauty.

*"I wish she knew I want her and only her." Good men are happy and satisfied with their wives if there is a healthy sexual relationship between them. They love belonging to you and knowing you are their only one. That's why men get territorial or jealous: he protects what is his.

*"I wish she were open to trying new things in the bedroom: exploring, playing...discovering." Remember, anything is permissible in the marriage bed. Also you have a lifetime of making love with your spouse, so why not spice things up and try something new?" Boredom is a poor excuse for lack of intimacy in the bedroom.

* "I wish she would take care of her body and health and not let herself go or get stuck in a frump girl rut. I will always love her the way she is, but it pleases me when I know she tries to look her best for me. A few extra pounds are no big deal. but obese (50 lbs and over) weight does bother me. " Many wives say, "My husband says he loves me just the way I am." Most men won't tell their wives that they wish she would lose a few pounds, because they don't want to hurt her feelings. But honestly, he does think it and he does wish it. Again...men are visual creatures. They are turned on by sight. Also, when a woman feels uncomfortable with her body weight it becomes a dampening effect on sex. A woman who feels confident about her body is extremely sexy to a man.

*I wish you wouldn't use our sex life as a bribery or bargaining tool. I wish you wouldn't use "Not tonight" as a form of manipulation or as a punishment because you are angry with me." Sex is meant to be sacred, special, and a gift for a husband and wife. Don't ever taint it or devalue it by being manipulative with it. It's wrong on every level. The Bible says to not withhold sex from your spouse.

*"I wish she wouldn't roll her eyes or sigh when I reach for her. It makes me feel bad, like I am selfish or a pervert for asking for sex again." Remember, men need sex. God made them that way. It's a gift and honor to make love to your husband. Try to have a good response and attitude about it. If your husband reaches for you, you are blessed. Many wives are wishing their husbands desired them.

*I wish she knew that when she nags, screams at me, or criticizes me- it turns me off and my desire for her." Men will shut down when they feel disrespected.

*I wish she would ask for sex from me sometimes. I wish she would reach for me and let me know when she desires me first." Men feel good when they know their spouse craves them.

*"I wish she would tell me I'm sexy. I wish she would give me compliments about my body too" Men need to hear affirmations just like women do. We just don't always tell you.

*"I wish she wouldn't tell her girlfriends or anyone what I share with her when I'm being vulnerable and open with her." What is shared in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Don't talk about your sex life and intimate moments to outsiders. It's disrespectful.

*"I wish she would be honest and tell me what I do that pleases her." A touch, a certain stroke... Her communication is important when I make her feel good. She shouldn't hesitate to do something differently. Her pleasure is my pleasure." Men appreciate knowing they are pleasing their woman in the bedroom. It's good to be open and let them know.

Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2014.

Stupid things women should not do when they are angry:

1. Finger point.
To a man, this is insulting and degrading. It communicates that you are treating him like a child. He is not. He's a man. It also is stripping his position as a man. Don't do it. It causes more harm than good. Disrespect will not get you what you want.

2. Hands on your hips.
This body language expresses disdain and comes off as a fighting position. Do you want to fight, or do you want to resolve your issue reasonably? Placing your hands on Your hips puts him off emotionally, or in a defensive mode. Men are visual. He's going to feel like he needs to fight if he sees you in this position.

3. Waving your hands and arms around.
Unless you are fighting an angry bee, I don't recommend waving your hands. This is a huge turn off for men. The best way to communicate is with your hands at ease or down by your side. Waving your arms erratically is very distracting and also provokes him to put his walls up.

4. Stomping or tapping your feet.
You are just painting a picture of a strict school marm who's standing with a ruler about to whack him in the head. Really? Do you think this makes him desire to listen and be near you? This comes off as you in control and you are scolding him. AGAIN, HE IS NOT A CHILD. Treat him like a man and give him respect. He responds to respect far better than your dishonor.

5. Slamming cupboards, doors and walking around the house in a huff.
Who really looks like the fool, here? You. If you think that lowering yourself in a degrading way is actually going to inspire him to listen, you're wrong. A man loves to please his woman when he feels honored and respected.

6. Throwing items across the room or at him.
Honestly, You are like a stick poking at a bee's nest. You are asking to be stung. How is this going to resolve your problem?

7. The clenched lips and eyebrow thing.
So not attractive. A man will be way more open to looking at you and listening to you if your face is at ease and calm. Men are visual. Be aware of your facial expressions. A calm and pleasant face is not a threat, but a clenched, scowling face makes a man want to back up. Your expressions and body language make a huge difference.

8. Withholding sex from him because you are angry.
Very stupid. Why? Because a man emotionally connects with his wife when he connects with her body. To withhold sex because you are angry or bribing him to get what you want by using sex against him is manipulative, rebellious, and very wrong. Your body is a gift to your spouse. Don't taint or ruin the gift because you are angry. Leave sex out of it. You want your husband to emotionally connect with you. A connected man desires to make his woman happy. Don't make coming together a bad memory by distorting it with your anger and frustrations. Save the bedroom for making love and sleeping. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary. Don't take a fight into the bedroom either.

9. Calling him names or criticizing his efforts.
Use your words carefully. Words create seeds. What you are speaking over your spouse comes to fruition. Also, don't use words like "YOU NEVER DO THIS...or YOU ALWAYS DO THIS..." When you criticize him and tear down his manhood, you strip him of his confidence and abilities. As a wife, It's your job to build him up. Your tongue can be a tool or weapon. Be careful what you say. It's hard to undo the damage that a man has received when he's been disrespected and dishonored. If this happens often, walls will go up around his heart. The door will be completely closed. His emotions and connections with you will cease. When this happens, your relationship is in serious trouble. Often, temptation will come in and this is how marital affairs begin, because some other woman starts speaking to him with adoration and praise. And what he's not gotten this at home, he finds himself drawn in by the other woman. I'm just being real. It's not an excuse, and I'm not saying he has the right to an affair, but it's reality for many women who have continually stripped his manhood down with dishonor and disrespect. Honor him, love him, and respect him. Even during angry times, you can still show honor. Honor preserves. Honor heals. Honor seals love in.

10. Talking in long...very long paragraphs and repeating what you say, over and over.
Men hate this. Convey your message in short and precise words. Leave out super long details, but make sure to say how you feel and what you need. You can learn to do this in his language and you realize he does care and he will listen. Examples of conveying what you need:
Problem: Not getting affection outside of the bedroom.

The Right way of communicating a need: Last week when we we're laying on the living room floor cuddling, I felt so loved and cherished. It makes me feels so close with you when we cuddle. I feel so connected and loved by you and  I desire you. When we just cuddle it makes me so happy. I love you.

The Wrong way of communicating a need: You never ever give me affection outside of the bedroom anymore. You always just watch tv and you just ignore me. You only pay attention to me when you want sex. You never cuddle with me!

See the difference?  The first choice conveyed the message clearly. It pointed out what he did right. How it made you feel. What you desire more of. It was not threatening, demeaning, nor controlling. It included praise and gave an emotional connection for him to relate to. Second choice just screams accusations and failure. Also, it is demanding. Give him a choice out of his own free will. Honor is so important.

Every woman has been guilty of one or more of these wrong ways of communicating with her man. Ask God to show you which areas you failed in, and make the decision to next time do it right. It takes practice, but every time you do it, it will become easier. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives & A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2014

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as  a constant dripping on a rainy day." Proverbs 27:15

The most valuable wisdom I wish every wife knew:

Men thrive on praise. Your verbal compliments and sincere appreciation are like gasoline in a race car. Your praise keeps him racing for you.

Never tell him how to drive. Just wear your seat belt and whisper a prayer if you are afraid of his driving. Men absolutely hate to be told how to drive.

Your motherhood cape...You need to leave it at the door of your bedroom. Remember, you married your husband before you had kids. He needs you to be his lover in the bedroom. Don't ever let him feel like he's last place. His reach for you is important. Your response to his reach even more so. He connects with you emotionally when he connects with your body. Don't let this area in your marriage be neglected.

A woman of honor does not need to correct her man. Don't correct him. He's not your child. He's a man.

Your reaction when he walks in the door is so important. Your warm smile and light in your eyes is his greatest welcome. Put everything down to greet him. You should always be his greatest hello.

Chaos and clutter are not pleasant for a man in his castle. A man likes to come home to a clutter free environment.

Whatever he provides for you...a house, car, gifts, etc... Appreciate and don't take his efforts for granted. Whatever you do- don't complain and nag. It's like arrows piercing his heart. A man's identity is often felt by his work and how he provides for his family. This is a natural instinct. Men are wired this way. Don't put down his job or what he provides you with.

The Holy Spirit never needs a wife's help in speaking and convicting her husband's heart. Your job is to pray and let God do the work.

A moment of dishonor can cause great damage...Even if he laughs it off or doesn't say he's hurt...trust me, disrespect and dishonor hurt him more than he tells you.

Your honor keeps his heart open for you.

Never talk about his weaknesses to others. It's called respect. You represent your husband. speak well of him or not at all.

Your "Not tonights" are huge rejections to a man. Let there be very few of these. If he's reaching, you're blessed. When's he not reaching for you, then there's something wrong in your relationship.

Your looks do matter. Women often say, "My husband loves me just the way I am." This is true. And he won't tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings....but honestly, he wishes you would dress and try to be your best for him. Many wives let themselves go and get stuck in a frump girl slump. Men are visual. Just being honest... a wife should be her best. You dressed nice and put make up on to impress him when you were dating...He still deserves this.

A man will share and open up when he feels safe to do so. Keep your love nest with no thorns. Don't tell him how to feel or criticize him when he's being vulnerable with you. A man needs a soft place to land. Your warmth and non-judgmental approach offers him this.

Every man has a little boy in him. God made men this way. Don't forget to sometimes play, flirt, and laugh with your man. Men connect with women who can relax with them. Don't take every moment of the day too seriously.

Respect to a man is the same as romance is to a woman...Men feel loved when they are respected. Your respect is what he desires...more than your romantic gestures.

When the world is against him, always be present and by his side. Your loyalty is everything to him.

Don't try to correct in him in how to be a spiritual leader. Let him become a leader by trial and error. God will raise him up. Yes, its scary being in the back seat, but there can't be two drivers at the same time. Let him lead the prayers at the dinner table. Let him suggest the devotions. Let him lead. God will honor you for this. Your husband will make mistakes...extend grace.

He needs your prayers when he's in battle. Be his best prayer partner. A praying woman is a strength to him.

A man who loves his wife will do just about anything to please her...and a good woman will never take advantage of this. Appreciate and value what you have...Because you never know when it could be lost or stolen.

Ruby Wives, Jenny Williams  Copyright 2014

Third Day: I've Always Loved You + I Will Always Be True ("Revealed" Par...

Classy Woman: How to Be One

A real woman of class and grace always is one, even when nobody is looking. She returns the grocery cart even in the pouring rain. She handles rude people with dignity and grace. She understands that she is never too wise to learn more. She knows how to respond and react to all kinds of people. She has wisdom not to try to change the minds of foolish people. She doesn't waste her energy listening to or entertaining gossip. She takes no part in slander or trying to criticize others. She knows her purpose. She knows her vision. She handles adversity with God's help. She has manners. She shows gratitude always. She treats others kindly: from a small child to the elderly person who is weak and feeble. She treats them with dignity and grace. She respects those who serve her. She treats them fairly and honors them for their service. She never treats them like they are beneath her. She smiles at the waitress. She thanks the door man. She extends her hand to help when the opportunity arises. She constantly keeps her attitude in check. She understands that she is an ambassador for the Lord in all that she says and does and she should represent God's love well. She knows that her mouth is a gate, and she speaks with love, life, and wisdom. She honors others even when they are not in her presence. She honors her Mother and her Father. She respects her pastors, the elders of her church, her bosses, and those in authority. She does not compete with other women for attention because she knows who she is in Christ and that her self esteem is based on God's perception of her. She doesn't have to flaunt her body and wear immodest attire. She maintains herself and tries to look and be her best always. Her inward beauty shines through her eyes and smile. She likes to make others feel good about themselves. She goes the extra mile. She is a delight wherever she goes. When others think of her name, they smile in their hearts because her essence lingers long after she has left any room. She is a woman of class, wisdom, grace. This the kind of woman I desire, pray and strive to be. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives ~Copyright 2014

I need to know

I need your hands to hold me, guide me, protect me, caress me, love me, provide for me, dance with me, and romance me. I need to know that no matter how wrinkled my hands get, you look down and see the symbol that means forever. I need to know that your hand will always hold mine, that we will see sunsets and sunrises together, and that we will share a cup of coffee and read Poppa's Word to start the day. I need to know that when you see a question in my eyes, you will reassure me with the answer, and if you don't know the answer, we will look for it in the Word and in prayer. I need to run through the grass barefoot with you, and dance in the kitchen and in the store, because the music is already in our hearts. I need us to go on walks and adventures together. I need to see the roses that you bring me...roses just because. I need to know that if I'm down or discouraged, you will hold me with strong arms. When I'm fearful and spiritually distressed, you point me to Poppa. I need to know that no matter what happens, you're not disappearing and are committed to me in every way...every day. Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2010

My Love Story

My love story is different than some...One day, the true love of my life walked out the door for the last time. It was one of the most painful and devastating times imaginable, but I knew I had to keep going, and it was only by the grace of God that I did. I started Ruby Wives Ministry, and it was growing by leaps and bounds. I had no idea that during my own heart shattering crisis, God would make something good come out of my ashes. My humbled and naive idea of helping other hurting women who were silently struggling in their marriages while dealing with separation or divorce, would turn into something bigger than I could ever plan. It was really stepping out onto the water for me, because I didn't even know how to make a Facebook page at the time. I was crying in a crumpled heap on my pile of laundry when I heard His almost audible voice whisper to my heart: "I want you to take these women with you on this journey."

Two and a half years later, thousands of women and even men have become faithful readers of our pages that offer simple prayers, wisdom, and encouragement for spouses. God allowed my brokenness and reflection of the mistakes I made as a wife to become wisdom gems to share with others. Through transparently shared struggles about my own journey of healing, our readers responded openly and thanked me because they could relate. My tears became their comfort, because they felt they were not alone. My surrendered weakness to God became my new-found strength as well as theirs, because they were dealing with similar circumstances. Then came the newly wed brides, the happily married wives...women of different circumstances and statuses, broken or abandoned...they all became fans. I realized that as I was learning and gleaning wisdom and sharing it with wives, a positive growth and change was happening. It was contagious. Praise God! It was all His beautiful plan unfolding before me. Letters poured in from around the world with reports of marriages being restored and women being encouraged. My heart has been so overabundantly blessed, and even though things haven't turned out the way I thought they would, or the way I wanted them to, God revealed to me that He has always had a plan, and that He knew what was best for me. He built a full time ministry out of my broken mess and ashes, and He built a new dream in me. Beauty had come.

One thing I have learned through this beautiful, crazy and amazing journey, is that we all have one thing in common: a broken heart is a broken heart. Pain is pain. Marriage troubles are the same everywhere, no matter who you are or where you are from. The internet is a way to reach women in all parts of the world. Barriers are broken by it. I have had countless pastors' wives who were hurting in silence because their spouse was having an affair, struggling with addictions, etc., write to me for advice and prayers. They felt safe reaching out for help online.

Through this process, I finally came to a certain place of healing and surrender in my heart, I saw that God had an even bigger plan, and that I was not to look backward anymore. I found that my love story isn't over, it's being rediscovered and revised by the One who created love in the first place. Thus, A Modern Day Ruth was born. God revealed that the "Ruth" of this generation is primarily the woman who has been abandoned, divorced because of circumstances beyond her control, or has experienced abuse and neglect. The Modern Day Ruth is a woman who has experienced a devastation or even spiritual and emotional "death." Her husband has died to her and the family, and has walked away.

We live in a society where if it isn't easy or if it needs fixing, we will just go get a "new one" and people end up discarded as if they're replaceable things. It's so sad. Our world would be a happier and better place if people valued and honored marriages and families. What's worse is that the very place where women like us should find refuge comfort and support -the church- often judges, condemns, and turns its head away from these women. Many times I, myself, have felt that the Christian family I thought would be there for me, looked at me like I was the woman with the scarlet letter, as though I was someone who slept around. I was surprised to find that this is the perception some people have of single moms. That was definitely not the case for me, and even if it was, what would Jesus do? He never condemned the woman at the well, nor did he throw a stone at the woman who supposedly was caught in the act of adultery. I see the story of the woman at the well as tragic. She must have had her heart severely broken several times. She must have been abandoned, rejected, lied to, used, and promised false forevers... I often wish I could go back in time and hug that woman in the Bible and tell her I love her and that she's going to be alright, but Jesus did it for me.

Now, as I walk this role of A Modern Day Ruth and as a leader of women, I continue to reach out to as many as possible, to remind each one that her love story doesn't just end in heartache and tears, and that her life isn't going to be just struggle and pain. I know she faces tear-stained pillow nights and wrestles with ongoing loneliness. She wakes up to difficult days of surviving while trying to take care of her children...the family her husband left behind. Though Ruth was a widow, she ended up having her season of heartache turn to a lifetime of joy, and the promise of a lasting legacy. I am many times reminded of the words that are engraved upon my heart, and I have clung to them often: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Everyone has a love story. Sometimes that love story doesn't turn out the way you wish it would have. Maybe you're fighting for your love story right now to continue -fighting to keep your marriage alive, or your fairy tale dream may already have been shattered or ended in disappointment. Mine is that God took my messed up, abandoned, and broken heart and held me. He cradled me in the midst of my sheer agony and emotional turmoil. He didn't save my marriage, but He saved me. He gave me purpose and He took each piece of my heart and mended me, making me stronger and better than before. I have come to know that in Him I do have my happy ever after, and my love story with Him is still beautifully unfolding. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2014