Ash Heap Turned To Beauty

You've been standing on a heap of ashes -your burned up dreams.

You have been waiting for beauty.

Waiting for beauty to come again.

You have called out every day -wondering if He even remembers your name.

Seasons come and seasons go, but somehow this one has been so long.

Is it ever going to change?

All those silent tears will turn to perfume; their fragrance will sweeten the air.

Forever it will embed a pretty memory of your laughter and smile; you've trampled your fears.

Those who call out His name will not be left in shame.

He sees the struggles. He sees the pain.

You've lost love. You've lost friends. You've lost happy. You've lost yourself within.

You have wondered -is this the end of it all?

Close your eyes, dear one. Imagine yourself free.

Flying high -even higher than the eagles, on a sweet summer breeze.

Above the pain. Above the heartache. Above the disappointment.

Above it all -above everything.

Beauty is going to come again, and those ashes of dreams will be blown away.

Those who look to the Lord and stand in faith -it will not be in vain.

He hears you when you call on His name.

Hold on, dear one, hold on. Beauty is going to come. It's going to come to you again.

Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2013 Ruby Wives All Rights Reserved. Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes. God bless.

Key To A Man's Heart

Wives, one thing Poppa God has been speaking to me about as a solution for some women, is learning how to find the key to a man's heart -specifically your man. Many husbands, for various reasons, have shut the doors of their hearts toward their wives and locked them. They feel they have been dishonored or disrespected. Their pride has been hurt, and their fear of failure has been amplified because their wives have lost sight of how to show their love and respect in a Godly way. Having access to your husband's heart again can open opportunities for healing in your marriage if it's strained. Prayer is important, always continue to pray. This will bring the kind of wisdom that will reveal a solution. James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."  Be careful. It's possible to pray and pray until you are blue in the face, but get nowhere in repairing your marriage. First, do some reflection and think about your actions. Try and remember the tone or words you have used when speaking with your husband. Think about if you, out of frustration or anger, have dishonored or disrespected him. How do you make your husband feel in your presence? Do ridicule him, belittle him, or criticize his efforts? Do you nag and complain about your home, money, car, or any other thing your husband has worked for to provide you and your children with? Have you talked dirt about him behind his back? Have you made remarks such as "You always do this!", or "You never do that!" Have you publicly made jokes about your husband in front of others? Even if your husband laughed it off, it may have hurt him deeper than you realized. These things tear husbands down. Men were created to feel honored and respected. This is how God made them. A man who feels undervalued, unappreciated, and degraded will look for validation elsewhere if you, as a wife, have not provided this for him. What may seem like little comments, valid complaints, etc., may have gotten him to build that wall around his heart, brick by brick. The injury of a man's pride is really his manhood being stripped away. Over time, these things can cause his heart to be hardened, and his walls to go up. A husband will grow tired of feeling low about himself as a man. When a man feels emotionally connected with a woman, he will desire to be near her and to stay by her side. This is why a man will sometimes go after another woman and have an affair, because she knows how to touch his heart emotionally and she makes him feel good about himself. It's not always about sex, or that the other woman is prettier than you -it's how she makes him feel, but there are always solutions to life's problems. Simply put, YOU need the key to HIS heart! As Dr. Mike Murdock states:  "Men desire to have a 'nest' with no thorns." As wives, we should create our homes to be a safe refuge from the "thorns" of life.   Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." In other words, your words and your actions have a large part in creating the environment of your home and marriage. I share this not to place blame, or to help make excuses as to why a husband has walked away. I know that you most likely feel that you have valid reasons for the actions, reactions, and words you may have said to him at times -he may have disappointed you or hurt your feelings too, but it takes two to build a healthy marriage, and you knowing your role as a wife will help. If you can walk in wisdom and apply God's principles of how to show honor and respect, it can help immensely. I must say, search your heart and ask God if this might be something you have unknowingly done. Please know that I share from experience and my own personal failures. I encourage wives to ask the Lord to help tear down the walls that have been built, and begin learning to build up your husbands with new found honor and respect. Find the key to his heart so YOU can unlock the door. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes only. God bless.
(Quoted scriptures are from the NIV Bible Translation.)

Mind and heart

It's been a while since I have written anything. Mostly because I just didn't want to face what I feel in my heart. Numbness would be so much easier. Make me numb and let me coast on by. It's been a long battle of praying, crying and trying to forget everything, but the insidious problem I have is that I have discovered that the heart has it's own memory -even more so than the tedious mind. I can tell it not to care or love, but it just won't relent...won't stop nagging me of the future. Have you ever been to your future before it was time? It can be frustrating to know what's ahead, It's like being a child on Christmas morning. You know the joy that's coming in the light of dawn. If we could just get past this dark patch...This confusing foggy night that's been so long. Why are we wandering so long? Why can't the mist lift and tears be wiped away for good? Why more tears? I turn around and he's not there...he's not there, and why? Why does the scent of him linger in the air at a time when I'm trying so hard to forget and let go like he has. I'm just a faded memory. Tick tock...there's an angel on my shoulder, and it's haunting me tonight. No matter where existence takes me, I'm always reminded of the emptiness of his absence, him not being there beside me.
He is gone, so why won't my mind stop harassing me? Why can't this heart forget? There are times I know that he's not okay. I feel it, sense it. My heart aches because I can't comfort his restlessness or rub my fingers through his hair and soothe his fears, but the reality is, he doesn't want me to be there for him.
Holidays...ugh. It's so hard when you see yourself without your loved one during beautiful moments. You turn, expecting them to be there, but all you see is an empty space beside you, all you hear is silence, and a harsh cold reality overtakes you that they aren't there with you to share life's adventures. Maybe since my heart has the memory of an elephant I should exchange it. Can I have a new one? This one seems to be flawed.

Walks With Poppa

I love the smell of a summer night's air, the tantalizing mixture of blackberries, juniper, and roses that mingle for me as I pass them by. I'm so thankful for the road I live on. It's long and peaceful and has massive tall pine trees and cute adorable houses with picture perfect flowers of every kind. This road has been my friend. Me and Poppa God have talks on this road. I listen to worship music, I cry, I talk, daydream, analyze and sort through the muck of my emotions. Each footstep seems to lead me toward healing. I walk almost daily now for at least an hour or more. Sometimes I never want to stop, but to just keep going, going, going -far away from the agonizing pain and this inevitable heartache. Where's the off switch? Sometimes I get startled and honked at from the peculiar gawking guys. I really don't understand why they find it necessary to frighten a woman by hooting and hollering out a car window. Oh well.

I miss him -miss my beloved husband so much. We used to walk on this road together...holding hands and talking about the future. Our future. The plans Poppa God had for us. I miss the man who loved me and would stop and protect me from passing cars. He made feel safe and cherished during those times. Where did he go? How does love just disappear so quickly? I blame his illness. His crazy mind. His moods and depression, but sometimes I have this fear...these thoughts that maybe it was me. Maybe I really wasn't good enough to keep his heart captivated.
I try so hard to forget the love I have for him. He's hurt me too deeply. I'm bothered that He just wouldn't see my love as valuable. Why? Poppa, Why? My kids and I were like bright shiny stars in the sky, but he just wouldn't look up at us. I wish that night didn't happen -when he walked out the door....walked out on us, turned his back on his family. What makes a man just leave and forget all that is precious? What makes a man leave all that is good: family, love, faith? I wasn't perfect. He got annoyed that I would say "I love you" so much, but I always wanted him to feel secure -to never doubt that he was loved or valued. I know I tried with every breath I took. My vow to him was that I would always try to bring him good every day of his life. The problem was, he didn't value himself or the life Poppa gave him. I still have torments from the night he tried to kill himself. Those images I can't get out of my brain.

So I walk. I walk and talk with Poppa. I tell Him to take me back to heaven, to the place where he healed me the first time my husband broke my heart -the place of no hurts and pure love and peace. "Poppa, take me back...I want to go back. I don't want to feel this anymore." Maybe some night in my dreams, He will take me there again.

Music, the night air and streaks of beautiful pink sky...The promise of a better day to come.
My skin is golden tan and my hair is blonder than ever from the hours of walking Ive done these past weeks. I look like a california girl..lol. Still dusk is my favorite..When the air is muggy and sweet smelling and there's a slight breeze. For years me and Poppa have had this thing between us..Whenever I see the wind blowing on my walks I know it's Him saying hello to me. The tops of the trees swaying..The sounds of the leaves rustling and dancing....His wind blowing across my face. I even taught my kids this when they were little. I still recall when my daughter was 5 or 6- Hearing her say as she was on the swing in our backyard, "Hello,Jesus". It took my breath away seeing those words from her tiny voice. :)

I can hear Poppa say to me, "Do not fear,baby girl. I am with you. I will never leave you or forsake you. Trust me. It will all be ok".

I love you, Poppa God. <3 a="" break="" class="separator" div="" feet="" from="" my="" near="" of="" one="" river="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;" taking="" the="" walks="" y="">