Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Yesterday the feelings of deep grief were intense. I was trying to let go of the one I love so much. I called my momma and she prayed with me. I once again went for a walk and ended up at the river, at the park where we had our first kiss. It pained me standing in the spot where that kiss was, but it brought comfort at the same time. It was a bright sunny day and pretty hot, so I ended up on the riverbank wading into the water. The water felt cool and refreshing. I started throwing rocks. I found a big rock that was such a perfect invitation for me to sit and talk to Poppa God. I believe He placed it there just for me. I sat there and cried, letting my feet soak in the cool water. Me and Poppa have this thing- I write words. My cares and my concerns on rocks and then throw them into the ocean. I am always reminded that POPPA GOD is so much bigger than me and my trifle problems as I release them and throw them into the sea. Sweet surrender begins to happen, so I began to throw rocks, praying over each one....one by one. Hearing the sound of plop each time they landed into the river. I didn't have a sharpie to write the words, but I named them as I threw them to Poppa. My fears, my broken heart, my husband...the one I love, the hurts, the disappointments, the judgements and criticisms from others, the anger, the betrayals -even the woman who stole him from me once and who continues to try...forgiveness, letting go...surrender, letting go of the thoughts, my self esteem that's been damaged. Please take it all. Take the rest, You can have it all. As I was listening to worship music and praying, I lifted my hands unto the surrender that I needed.
Jesus Christ is the Rock...the eternal sure foundation, my resting place, my place of worship, my altar.
From the ends of the earth I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Since You are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of Your name, lead and guide me.
Thank You, Lord that I can call on You.That I have a safe place to stand upon when the waves come crashing around me.