Dear Single Men Who Are Trying For My Affections (Single Women Need To Read This Too)

 I can't tell you how many times I have kept myself in check and spoken not a word to the many men who seem to think they can catch my attention by mere easily said words and compliments. I normally just ignore them and don't even take the time to respond. I hear their hearts. I know some are just lonely and hurting. I do care that they are hurting, and I pray for them that what they're missing will be restored -the respect they feel they haven't received, their manhood and confidence ...but just because I am a single woman in leadership does not mean that I will fall easily as your prey. I'm a woman who learns from her mistakes, and the lessons and wisdom I have gained from them are tattooed to my heart and mind. I am too busy raising my daughters, running a full time ministry and building a business to be a part of the world of dating sites, looking around at every relationship status change or post someone makes. Your compliments -even if they are truly sincere- do not impress. They use to when I had a low self esteem. Flattering words alone are empty to me. Your words need to be backed up by your actions. And they must be consistent. You may be charming and love Jesus, but that doesn't make me quake at the knees. I expect God's best for me. I won't settle for anything less.
Through my brokenness and disappointments I have become wiser and stronger. My standards have been raised higher. My worth and value I have found through Poppa God, not by your romantic notions and pursuits.
Your pocketbook full of money does not impress me -it's what you do with it that does, and just because you can shower me with gifts does not mean that I can be bought. I am a woman who does love beautiful things -sparkly things, but your heart and character are what truly matter to me. If you're well known or even famous, that's nice. I'm not impressed by a name, but by the character behind it. Your reputation can seem appealing, but we all know that it could be lost in a moment of weakness.
I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not easily won. If you want to know what will win my heart, then you had better seek my Poppa God out for His approval. I will not chase after the affections of a man. I have found that my soul is satisfied with Jesus and His presence. Do I want to be alone? No. I love life and I love loving someone, but I will wait for a man who has the heart of a King. If you don't have integrity, then I can't admire you. There's just no way around that one. I desire a man of worship...who daily seeks and talks with the Holy Spirit. A man after God's own heart. I'm not expecting perfect -King David wasn't perfect. He had many flaws, but one thing I find irresistible is his longing to please God and to make music to His heart.
My most sacred dwelling place is where I spend time singing to the Holy Spirit. My bath time is one of my most holy places -my secret place. Even as a toddler I would sing out spontaneous songs to Him and He would sing back to me His love songs. I've done this all my life. Does your heart long for Him? Is your greatest pleasure experiencing and discovering more of Him? Stagnancy is something I can't stand. I am a woman who loves to learn and expand my mind and heart, reaching into the depths and layers of Him and all that He is. He is vast and wide and there is so much more of Him to find. A man who can daily inspire me in this way is pivotal. Warm and deep conversation is what creates a soulful and meaningful relationship to me.
Frankly, I don't want to be bored. I am always moving and striving to move forward. I view life as a journey that is meant to be adventuresome. Are you kingdom minded? What I mean is, do you make your most important decisions based on what is eternally lasting, or on momentary earthly stubble? I eat, sleep and breathe the desire to encourage and give hope to others. I feel most satisfied when I know I have made a difference to someone else. Hurting people are the ones I long to comfort and speak words of healing and life over -to help someone who's been rejected and help them know how much Poppa God loves them.
I've been called to the nations. As a young woman I believed and received the scriptures that said, "Ask of me and I will give you the nations as an inheritance." This is no easy feat, but it's my passion. I love people. I watch them -study their human behavior. I love different cultures and meeting new people from all walks of life. My partner of life has to be a man who likes to travel because I'm not a homebody kind of gal. My home will be his heart. Wherever he goes, I will go. His people will be my people -the people he is called to impact and encourage. This is my calling. To stand beside a leader -a man of substance and wisdom, a man who worships in spirit and in truth. His song will be my song. I love singing and harmonizing. Sing with me in the car, in the shower, or 30,000 feet in the air.
There are simple things I have learned to appreciate...a sunset, the sound of ocean waves, the smile of a stranger, a song on the radio. These please my heart.
As a woman, I have many sides to me. It frustrates me that men think they have figured me all out. If you are one of them, let me tell you, you haven't, because I won't reveal all of myself to you unless I can trust you and you have earned the right to know my many layers. I can be silly, quirky and playful. I'm a passionate woman in everything I do. If I say something, I mean it to the fullest. My words I write are the song of my heart beat.
I am a girly girl in every sense of the term. I love being a woman...wearing heels and dresses, makeup and sparkly things. I am fragile like an exotic flower, and like to be handled as such. I am old fashioned and traditional. I, at times, think I was born into the wrong era. I like having the door opened for me. I like the man to drive, for him to be in charge of the finances. I enjoy following his lead (If he has vision and knows where he is going). This does not mean I'm weak. I feel it's a rare and strong trait to let the man be a spiritual leader and to stand beside him as the encouraging help mate that God has called and purposed women to be. Loyalty is everything to me. I will protect whom I love. I will fight for what I believe in.
I'm not a back pocket kind of woman. I belong in the front next to your heart. I'm not a side dish. I'm the main course with all the extras. I am curvy, not fat. I will not become a stick or ever be model thin. I like my body as God has made it. I strive to maintain it. I believe in exercising and eating healthy. This does not mean I don't ever go through "frump girl" stages, because I do. I need a man who sees my beauty and reminds me when I have forgotten who I am; and though I'm passionate, I am not a sexual conquest. I cannot be your lover for a lifetime if Jesus is not the lover of your soul for eternity. This is my standard. I am God's daughter, and I expect to be treated as such.
I want to be romanced by you every day in the little things that you do. I love to snuggle up and hold your hand. These small things are big to me. Don't ever take me for granted just because I'm loyal and faithful. I expect to be cherished -sweetly spoiled. I want to be included in your time -quality time. Share with me your struggles, your spiritual experiences, the vulnerable and soft parts of your heart. If you have won my heart, I promise to protect and regard it as precious. Your joys are mine, your sadness mine, your dreams ...I want them all.
I am a creative person. I am always thinking, dreaming, planning, inventing, writing, etc. I have big dreams...ridiculous dreams. I won't share them unless I know you can respect them and believe in them too. I paint, I write, I sing, and I love to make things. I find it frustrating when I have an idea in my mind but I can't find it in the store. I was meant to be an entrepreneur. I have inventions I would like to market and license. I believe money is meant to be a used as a tool to accomplish what God has purposed and planned for you. Money invested in the kingdom of God is a returnable and wise investment. If you can't provide or pay your bills, I am not your kind of woman. I admire a man who has a vision and also handles his money with God's wisdom. Do you care about the poor, broken and the needy? It's not just writing out a check...It's passion, it's love, it's teaching and investing in other people's dreams. This is my heart. I do like material things (who doesn't?), but my number one agenda is touching lives. Money is a tool to do that.
What is valuable to me? My beautiful children. I'm a single momma, and it's hard -very hard. I never desired for my kids to be from a broken home. They have been hurt, disappointed, and abandoned. A man who sees my kids as a blessing and not as a burden is important to me. They are four beautiful amazing hearts of precious cargo. They need to be embraced, loved on, believed in, and invested in. We are a package deal, and even though they are almost grown and will be adults soon, they are a huge portion of my heart. They teach me and inspire me. This makes me determined that my dreams have to come true because their dreams need wings too.
Several years ago, as I was kneeling at an altar, I cried out to God in brokenness. I heard the Holy Spirit say, "I am sending you a Boaz." At the time I really didn't know much about the story of Ruth and Boaz. It wasn't the favorite Bible story I was taught in Sunday School as a child. I have had to embrace and learn about the heart of Ruth. She was on a long journey of tears, heartaches, and struggles. I can relate to her in many ways. I have been on this road too. I have found my pleasure and purpose to be helping others who have been hurting or abandoned like me. This ministry God has called me to do came out of my own ashes, brokenness, and abandonment. I sought my heart out layer by layer. I've had to come to terms with my own failures in my 13 year marriage. I've been honest with myself (not always easy but important), gleaned wisdom from those mistakes and have been sharing what I've learned with women who are struggling in their relationships with their husbands, and have been helping those whose husbands have left them and walked away from God and their families. I wish to speak healing and comfort to their hearts. I'm sticking to the promise Poppa God gave me.This has kept me going. I know that someday my Boaz will see me from across the field and come for me. Until then, I'm still in the fields of God's Grace being busy about my Heavenly Father's business. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2013

Key To A Man's Heart

Wives, one thing Poppa God has been speaking to me about as a solution for some women, is learning how to find the key to a man's heart -specifically your man. Many husbands, for various reasons, have shut the doors of their hearts toward their wives and locked them. They feel they have been dishonored or disrespected. Their pride has been hurt, and their fear of failure has been amplified because their wives have lost sight of how to show their love and respect in a Godly way. Having access to your husband's heart again can open opportunities for healing in your marriage if it's strained. Prayer is important, always continue to pray. This will bring the kind of wisdom that will reveal a solution. James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."  Be careful. It's possible to pray and pray until you are blue in the face, but get nowhere in repairing your marriage. First, do some reflection and think about your actions. Try and remember the tone or words you have used when speaking with your husband. Think about if you, out of frustration or anger, have dishonored or disrespected him. How do you make your husband feel in your presence? Do ridicule him, belittle him, or criticize his efforts? Do you nag and complain about your home, money, car, or any other thing your husband has worked for to provide you and your children with? Have you talked dirt about him behind his back? Have you made remarks such as "You always do this!", or "You never do that!" Have you publicly made jokes about your husband in front of others? Even if your husband laughed it off, it may have hurt him deeper than you realized. These things tear husbands down. Men were created to feel honored and respected. This is how God made them. A man who feels undervalued, unappreciated, and degraded will look for validation elsewhere if you, as a wife, have not provided this for him. What may seem like little comments, valid complaints, etc., may have gotten him to build that wall around his heart, brick by brick. The injury of a man's pride is really his manhood being stripped away. Over time, these things can cause his heart to be hardened, and his walls to go up. A husband will grow tired of feeling low about himself as a man. When a man feels emotionally connected with a woman, he will desire to be near her and to stay by her side. This is why a man will sometimes go after another woman and have an affair, because she knows how to touch his heart emotionally and she makes him feel good about himself. It's not always about sex, or that the other woman is prettier than you -it's how she makes him feel, but there are always solutions to life's problems. Simply put, YOU need the key to HIS heart! As Dr. Mike Murdock states:  "Men desire to have a 'nest' with no thorns." As wives, we should create our homes to be a safe refuge from the "thorns" of life.   Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." In other words, your words and your actions have a large part in creating the environment of your home and marriage. I share this not to place blame, or to help make excuses as to why a husband has walked away. I know that you most likely feel that you have valid reasons for the actions, reactions, and words you may have said to him at times -he may have disappointed you or hurt your feelings too, but it takes two to build a healthy marriage, and you knowing your role as a wife will help. If you can walk in wisdom and apply God's principles of how to show honor and respect, it can help immensely. I must say, search your heart and ask God if this might be something you have unknowingly done. Please know that I share from experience and my own personal failures. I encourage wives to ask the Lord to help tear down the walls that have been built, and begin learning to build up your husbands with new found honor and respect. Find the key to his heart so YOU can unlock the door. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes only. God bless.
(Quoted scriptures are from the NIV Bible Translation.)

The Ramblings Of A Woman's Heart

I woke up with a kaleidoscope of thoughts and feelings and epiphanies this morning. My heart is always evolving...swelling with new treasures and insights that I am constantly absorbing. May I never be boring, because the layers of my heart are long and deep. Someone just needs to dive in and search them out.
I have found that if someone loves you, they just do. There is no earning, no begging, no twisting an arm. They will love you regardless of what you do or say. I have found that when love is in my heart, it sticks -it stays. No matter what life's problems throw my way. Love follows you like an eager puppy dog nipping at your heels. Love doesn't forget. Its imprint is on the heart forever. When you have truly loved someone, it also aches when they're gone. The absence of a soul mate (your other half) also causes us to cry in the moments when we realize they're not here to share in it. Love has a memory like an elephant. It just doesn't forget no matter how hard you try to erase it. You can keep busy and distract yourself, but it inevitably creeps up at the oddest times and moments, and haunts you when you least expect it.
Love is also so amazing, so mysterious (and a bit of confusing too). Wouldn't it be so great if men and women knew what each other wanted or needed? From a female view, this is what we really want: A woman loves to feel alive and be savored. She loves to feel she is your world, and she loves to make your world a brighter place. It's easy for a woman to adore you when she feels safe, cherished and secure. We are wired this way. Do you want to know if a woman loves you? Look at her eyes. Do they dance or sparkle when she sees your face? Does she touch you slowly and meaningfully? A woman's eyes can tell you what is in her heart. Her sparkle and glow may have diminished or faded if she doesn't feel loved or secure. If you've stopped looking at her then maybe you should start to again. We know if you look at us or not. Your words can cruelly fall empty to our ears if you don't take time to really look at us. Do you miss the moments of crazy romantic notions, dancing in the street, or burning passionate kisses? Look at us and take the time to go past the everyday surface things. We're more than the pile of dirty dishes or a burnt dinner. We're more than the 6 lbs we gained during the winter, or the complaints and mood swings we can't seem to help, but let out during our hormone fluctuations.
A man who traces our tears with his fingers and holds us as long as it takes for the tears to dry, knows the secret of how to fuel the fire. WE don't really care if you're perfect. In fact, we admire the man who can admit he is weak and has failures. What makes us love you more is how you love us. If you know how to really cherish us -savor, enjoy and appreciate the little things about us and what we do, we will respond. Most women will not leave a man who cherishes her. Give her security and you have found the jackpot. One way is: Love her body and let her know often. Yes, often. We need to be told we're beautiful and sexy and are what you dream of. We don't tire of hearing it, and we know you mean it by your actions. Sometimes the most mundane little thing you do will mean the world to us, just because you simply remembered. A woman will completely open up and be an amazing lover if she feels you want her and only her and you make her feel beautiful. We will let go of our insecurities and grab hold of the moment if we feel secure and that we're enough for you. Take the time. Great moments take time. Is what you want valuable? Then show us -show us we're valuable to you. So simple, but so often not given. Do you want to make us feel important to you? Then show your support and interest in our dreams and pursuits. Show us you desire to make what's important to us important to you, even if it's of little interest to you. Notice that we will gladly play boring golf or some video game if we know it makes you happy. Allow us to make mistakes and not always be perfect. Forgive us when we accidentally disappoint you or let you down. Love forgives and keeps no record of wrongs. No one is perfect. Don't point out our flaws, we already know them. We beat ourselves up for them. Instead, appreciate our good qualities and what we do right.
A woman's heart can be exciting to discover, but you have to be willing to experience the adventure. You haven't danced in a while? Maybe you haven't heard the music of our hearts...listen to the beat.

You Are A Precious Treasure

God loves you. No matter what your husband or any other man says to you, you are valued. You are treasured, you are God's precious gem and the apple of His eye. Your value is not based on a man's approval, but on the very fact that God made you unique and just the way you are. He cares about your pain and heartache. He collects your tears in His bottle and records each and every one of them. He loves you so much that while you are sleeping He strokes your head and He knows exactly how many hairs are on it. I know you may feel a mess right now- tired, broken, and scared, but He promises that He is with you and He will never leave you. He will take your wounded heart and bind it up in His love and heal it. It will take time, but let Him. If you trust Him, He will take the ashes of your disappointments and pain and He will turn them into a pile of His treasures and make you shine again. Let Him kiss your tears away. It's going to be ok. You are worth infinitely more than all the diamonds and rubies in the entire world!

Providing A Safe Haven

Wives have the ability to provide a safe and pleasant haven for our spouses and children. God entrusted us with the power to set the tone and environment for our families. Proverbs 14:1 says,
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Have you ever heard the saying, "If the wife ain't happy then no one is"? It's so true. Have you noticed when you have had a bad day and you remained grouchy, the kids and the husband started being in a foul mood too? Our words, our vocal tones and actions affect our homes and marriages. We set the stage. If there is strife, foul language, cupboard doors slamming, etc., this makes a home not a safe, relaxing place. If we're stomping around and pouting, grumbling and complaining the minute our husband walks in the door, he's honestly not going to want to come home to that. A home should be restful, a place of refreshing and rejuvenation, cozy, warm, and inviting. When I say this, I don't mean that we as wives can't have a bad day or that we can't ever express how we feel about situations, but we do have to be aware that our attitudes affect everyone around us. We are the queens of the castle, so to speak, so what we dish out is what's going to be on the table for our loved ones to take in.

Proverbs 31:25-28 talks about a godly wife and her influence on her family:
"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her."

It's our very nature to have our homes be a nest. This is where we create a dwelling place for our families. We, as women, take pride in the way our decor and home looks like to others. We often feel it's a reflection of who we are as women. Why else do we spend so much time and money picking out the colors of paint for the walls and drapes, etc.? Just for that very reason, but if we aren't careful, all of our efforts are a waste. If there aren't peace and love in our homes, then it's meaningless. Proverbs 21:9 says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Ain't that the truth?

When our man walks in the door from a hard day of work, he needs to feel he can catch his breath and get a break from the weariness and stresses. Yes, I know that you are thinking, "What about me? I work too. I work full time, chasing after little ones all day. I'm just as tired and exhausted. Don't I count?"

My answer to that would be...I know this sounds so "Leave It To Beaver" and old fashioned...but we do count. We are given the privilege to make it fabulous for our families. It's a valuable honor to be given such responsiblity. If you're tired, just try to remember to do a few small things. Your husband might not mention the changes, but I assure you he will notice and he will like it being more peaceful.

I'm not saying we have to be super woman, or that we have to spin around three times and have a 7 course meal on the table every night, or that we have to wear high heels or pearls and walk around giving our husband his pipe, newspaper and slippers at the end of the day. I have talked to other men and researched what they desire their homes to be like. Most would agree that they like things to be clutter free and peaceful.
As wives, we know it's inevitable that there will be messes (especially if we have little ones) and times when we need to catch up on housework, but if your home is always cluttered and in disarray, that's not good. The Bible mentions often about keeping our houses in order. Most people feel much more peaceful walking into a room that is clutter free and smells pleasant.

Some simple ideas to create an inviting environment are:
If the kids have been rowdy and fighting, play some worship or instrumental music. This helps subdue everyone. Light a few candles before the hubby walks in the door. Candles take only a few seconds to light and it makes a world of difference.

A warm smile from you hits the spot. If there's something serious you need to discuss, wait until he's had time to unwind from the day. There's always a right or wrong time to bring stuff up. It's definitely not when he just gotten home.
Try to keep clutter to a minimum. If you have noticed the rooms where your husband likes to hang out are being overcome by knick-knacks, collections, toys, etc., take a half day to remove the extras you don't really need. It's freeing and you will be able to chill more too. Keep the wall colors simple -most men are drawn to neutral tones. I hate to disappoint you, but your man does not like to be surrounded by pink, flowery fluff. It's not relaxing, he may not complain about it, because he loves you so much, but consider his feelings when choosing decor for your home, and let's be brutally honest...having to make love on a flower comforter with lace doesn't really inspire him either.

These are some things that can help make things a more pleasant place to be -and remember, creating a safe place to land and having your home be a haven begins with you. You are the heart of the home. :)