I need to know

I need your hands to hold me, guide me, protect me, caress me, love me, provide for me, dance with me, and romance me. I need to know that no matter how wrinkled my hands get, you look down and see the symbol that means forever. I need to know that your hand will always hold mine, that we will see sunsets and sunrises together, and that we will share a cup of coffee and read Poppa's Word to start the day. I need to know that when you see a question in my eyes, you will reassure me with the answer, and if you don't know the answer, we will look for it in the Word and in prayer. I need to run through the grass barefoot with you, and dance in the kitchen and in the store, because the music is already in our hearts. I need us to go on walks and adventures together. I need to see the roses that you bring me...roses just because. I need to know that if I'm down or discouraged, you will hold me with strong arms. When I'm fearful and spiritually distressed, you point me to Poppa. I need to know that no matter what happens, you're not disappearing and are committed to me in every way...every day. Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2010

Encouragement For Husbands

Husbands, have you lost the art of romancing your wife? Has it been a while since you've experienced passion in your relationship? Is it cold...like a fridge...in the bedroom? Does your wife turn you down intimately? Women were created and wired to be cherished and feel secure in their relationship with their husbands. Do you cherish her? She needs to feel this from you. When she does, she responds to your sexual needs, because she will feel emotionally connected to you. Sex starts outside of the bedroom for a woman. Let me repeat that one... sex starts outside of the bedroom for a woman! She needs to feel valued, and not as a sexual object or conquest. She needs to feel she is beautiful to you. She needs to be touched and caressed outside of the bedroom. She needs to be wined and dined. Do you make the effort to continue to court her (date her) even after the wedding day?  This is a forever thing that husbands need to do for their wives. Ephesians 5:28 "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Have you given her a special gift just for the sake of making her smile? Have you danced with her in the living room? Reflect on this: what did you do to win her heart before you were married? A wise man knows that the responsibility of a husband is to romance her every day. This is "cherishing" her. She needs to know she is your prize that you love. She needs to know that you value her. Some guys have a hard time being romantic, but there are always ideas in books, on the internet, etc. If you have neglected this area in your marriage, ask God for wisdom on how to warm your wife's heart again. Ask Him to give you the key to her heart. Wisdom is available for you. Start romancing her with little unexpected things. Show her your love. Woo her heart again. Don't bring up the past, just make the future better. It's the little things a man does that capture a woman's heart. God has the solutions. Read the book "Song of Solomon" in the Bible. It's a blueprint for romance. God made women with a need to feel cherished and romanced. If you haven't told her she's beautiful in a while, tell her again -and again. If she comes back with a nasty comment or remark, ignore it. Somehow along the way her heart was injured and her walls went up. Most likely because she felt undervalued and that she was no longer cherished, but there is hope. Be gently persistent, because she may no longer be used to being romanced by you. If you keep finding creative ways to encourage her with your acts of kindness and love, she will melt for you again. Song of Solomon 1:2-3 "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out." Praying for you, men. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2012. All rights reserved. Please enjoy and feel free to share for encouragement purposes only. Scriptures are from NIV Bible translation.

Mind and heart

It's been a while since I have written anything. Mostly because I just didn't want to face what I feel in my heart. Numbness would be so much easier. Make me numb and let me coast on by. It's been a long battle of praying, crying and trying to forget everything, but the insidious problem I have is that I have discovered that the heart has it's own memory -even more so than the tedious mind. I can tell it not to care or love, but it just won't relent...won't stop nagging me of the future. Have you ever been to your future before it was time? It can be frustrating to know what's ahead, It's like being a child on Christmas morning. You know the joy that's coming in the light of dawn. If we could just get past this dark patch...This confusing foggy night that's been so long. Why are we wandering so long? Why can't the mist lift and tears be wiped away for good? Why more tears? I turn around and he's not there...he's not there, and why? Why does the scent of him linger in the air at a time when I'm trying so hard to forget and let go like he has. I'm just a faded memory. Tick tock...there's an angel on my shoulder, and it's haunting me tonight. No matter where existence takes me, I'm always reminded of the emptiness of his absence, him not being there beside me.
He is gone, so why won't my mind stop harassing me? Why can't this heart forget? There are times I know that he's not okay. I feel it, sense it. My heart aches because I can't comfort his restlessness or rub my fingers through his hair and soothe his fears, but the reality is, he doesn't want me to be there for him.
Holidays...ugh. It's so hard when you see yourself without your loved one during beautiful moments. You turn, expecting them to be there, but all you see is an empty space beside you, all you hear is silence, and a harsh cold reality overtakes you that they aren't there with you to share life's adventures. Maybe since my heart has the memory of an elephant I should exchange it. Can I have a new one? This one seems to be flawed.

You Are A Precious Treasure

God loves you. No matter what your husband or any other man says to you, you are valued. You are treasured, you are God's precious gem and the apple of His eye. Your value is not based on a man's approval, but on the very fact that God made you unique and just the way you are. He cares about your pain and heartache. He collects your tears in His bottle and records each and every one of them. He loves you so much that while you are sleeping He strokes your head and He knows exactly how many hairs are on it. I know you may feel a mess right now- tired, broken, and scared, but He promises that He is with you and He will never leave you. He will take your wounded heart and bind it up in His love and heal it. It will take time, but let Him. If you trust Him, He will take the ashes of your disappointments and pain and He will turn them into a pile of His treasures and make you shine again. Let Him kiss your tears away. It's going to be ok. You are worth infinitely more than all the diamonds and rubies in the entire world!

Providing A Safe Haven

Wives have the ability to provide a safe and pleasant haven for our spouses and children. God entrusted us with the power to set the tone and environment for our families. Proverbs 14:1 says,
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Have you ever heard the saying, "If the wife ain't happy then no one is"? It's so true. Have you noticed when you have had a bad day and you remained grouchy, the kids and the husband started being in a foul mood too? Our words, our vocal tones and actions affect our homes and marriages. We set the stage. If there is strife, foul language, cupboard doors slamming, etc., this makes a home not a safe, relaxing place. If we're stomping around and pouting, grumbling and complaining the minute our husband walks in the door, he's honestly not going to want to come home to that. A home should be restful, a place of refreshing and rejuvenation, cozy, warm, and inviting. When I say this, I don't mean that we as wives can't have a bad day or that we can't ever express how we feel about situations, but we do have to be aware that our attitudes affect everyone around us. We are the queens of the castle, so to speak, so what we dish out is what's going to be on the table for our loved ones to take in.

Proverbs 31:25-28 talks about a godly wife and her influence on her family:
"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her."

It's our very nature to have our homes be a nest. This is where we create a dwelling place for our families. We, as women, take pride in the way our decor and home looks like to others. We often feel it's a reflection of who we are as women. Why else do we spend so much time and money picking out the colors of paint for the walls and drapes, etc.? Just for that very reason, but if we aren't careful, all of our efforts are a waste. If there aren't peace and love in our homes, then it's meaningless. Proverbs 21:9 says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Ain't that the truth?

When our man walks in the door from a hard day of work, he needs to feel he can catch his breath and get a break from the weariness and stresses. Yes, I know that you are thinking, "What about me? I work too. I work full time, chasing after little ones all day. I'm just as tired and exhausted. Don't I count?"

My answer to that would be...I know this sounds so "Leave It To Beaver" and old fashioned...but we do count. We are given the privilege to make it fabulous for our families. It's a valuable honor to be given such responsiblity. If you're tired, just try to remember to do a few small things. Your husband might not mention the changes, but I assure you he will notice and he will like it being more peaceful.

I'm not saying we have to be super woman, or that we have to spin around three times and have a 7 course meal on the table every night, or that we have to wear high heels or pearls and walk around giving our husband his pipe, newspaper and slippers at the end of the day. I have talked to other men and researched what they desire their homes to be like. Most would agree that they like things to be clutter free and peaceful.
As wives, we know it's inevitable that there will be messes (especially if we have little ones) and times when we need to catch up on housework, but if your home is always cluttered and in disarray, that's not good. The Bible mentions often about keeping our houses in order. Most people feel much more peaceful walking into a room that is clutter free and smells pleasant.

Some simple ideas to create an inviting environment are:
If the kids have been rowdy and fighting, play some worship or instrumental music. This helps subdue everyone. Light a few candles before the hubby walks in the door. Candles take only a few seconds to light and it makes a world of difference.

A warm smile from you hits the spot. If there's something serious you need to discuss, wait until he's had time to unwind from the day. There's always a right or wrong time to bring stuff up. It's definitely not when he just gotten home.
Try to keep clutter to a minimum. If you have noticed the rooms where your husband likes to hang out are being overcome by knick-knacks, collections, toys, etc., take a half day to remove the extras you don't really need. It's freeing and you will be able to chill more too. Keep the wall colors simple -most men are drawn to neutral tones. I hate to disappoint you, but your man does not like to be surrounded by pink, flowery fluff. It's not relaxing, he may not complain about it, because he loves you so much, but consider his feelings when choosing decor for your home, and let's be brutally honest...having to make love on a flower comforter with lace doesn't really inspire him either.

These are some things that can help make things a more pleasant place to be -and remember, creating a safe place to land and having your home be a haven begins with you. You are the heart of the home. :)