Thursday, June 19, 2014

Stupid things women should not do when they are angry:

1. Finger point.
To a man, this is insulting and degrading. It communicates that you are treating him like a child. He is not. He's a man. It also is stripping his position as a man. Don't do it. It causes more harm than good. Disrespect will not get you what you want.

2. Hands on your hips.
This body language expresses disdain and comes off as a fighting position. Do you want to fight, or do you want to resolve your issue reasonably? Placing your hands on Your hips puts him off emotionally, or in a defensive mode. Men are visual. He's going to feel like he needs to fight if he sees you in this position.

3. Waving your hands and arms around.
Unless you are fighting an angry bee, I don't recommend waving your hands. This is a huge turn off for men. The best way to communicate is with your hands at ease or down by your side. Waving your arms erratically is very distracting and also provokes him to put his walls up.

4. Stomping or tapping your feet.
You are just painting a picture of a strict school marm who's standing with a ruler about to whack him in the head. Really? Do you think this makes him desire to listen and be near you? This comes off as you in control and you are scolding him. AGAIN, HE IS NOT A CHILD. Treat him like a man and give him respect. He responds to respect far better than your dishonor.

5. Slamming cupboards, doors and walking around the house in a huff.
Who really looks like the fool, here? You. If you think that lowering yourself in a degrading way is actually going to inspire him to listen, you're wrong. A man loves to please his woman when he feels honored and respected.

6. Throwing items across the room or at him.
Honestly, You are like a stick poking at a bee's nest. You are asking to be stung. How is this going to resolve your problem?

7. The clenched lips and eyebrow thing.
So not attractive. A man will be way more open to looking at you and listening to you if your face is at ease and calm. Men are visual. Be aware of your facial expressions. A calm and pleasant face is not a threat, but a clenched, scowling face makes a man want to back up. Your expressions and body language make a huge difference.

8. Withholding sex from him because you are angry.
Very stupid. Why? Because a man emotionally connects with his wife when he connects with her body. To withhold sex because you are angry or bribing him to get what you want by using sex against him is manipulative, rebellious, and very wrong. Your body is a gift to your spouse. Don't taint or ruin the gift because you are angry. Leave sex out of it. You want your husband to emotionally connect with you. A connected man desires to make his woman happy. Don't make coming together a bad memory by distorting it with your anger and frustrations. Save the bedroom for making love and sleeping. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary. Don't take a fight into the bedroom either.

9. Calling him names or criticizing his efforts.
Use your words carefully. Words create seeds. What you are speaking over your spouse comes to fruition. Also, don't use words like "YOU NEVER DO THIS...or YOU ALWAYS DO THIS..." When you criticize him and tear down his manhood, you strip him of his confidence and abilities. As a wife, It's your job to build him up. Your tongue can be a tool or weapon. Be careful what you say. It's hard to undo the damage that a man has received when he's been disrespected and dishonored. If this happens often, walls will go up around his heart. The door will be completely closed. His emotions and connections with you will cease. When this happens, your relationship is in serious trouble. Often, temptation will come in and this is how marital affairs begin, because some other woman starts speaking to him with adoration and praise. And what he's not gotten this at home, he finds himself drawn in by the other woman. I'm just being real. It's not an excuse, and I'm not saying he has the right to an affair, but it's reality for many women who have continually stripped his manhood down with dishonor and disrespect. Honor him, love him, and respect him. Even during angry times, you can still show honor. Honor preserves. Honor heals. Honor seals love in.

10. Talking in long...very long paragraphs and repeating what you say, over and over.
Men hate this. Convey your message in short and precise words. Leave out super long details, but make sure to say how you feel and what you need. You can learn to do this in his language and you realize he does care and he will listen. Examples of conveying what you need:
Problem: Not getting affection outside of the bedroom.

The Right way of communicating a need: Last week when we we're laying on the living room floor cuddling, I felt so loved and cherished. It makes me feels so close with you when we cuddle. I feel so connected and loved by you and  I desire you. When we just cuddle it makes me so happy. I love you.

The Wrong way of communicating a need: You never ever give me affection outside of the bedroom anymore. You always just watch tv and you just ignore me. You only pay attention to me when you want sex. You never cuddle with me!

See the difference?  The first choice conveyed the message clearly. It pointed out what he did right. How it made you feel. What you desire more of. It was not threatening, demeaning, nor controlling. It included praise and gave an emotional connection for him to relate to. Second choice just screams accusations and failure. Also, it is demanding. Give him a choice out of his own free will. Honor is so important.

Every woman has been guilty of one or more of these wrong ways of communicating with her man. Ask God to show you which areas you failed in, and make the decision to next time do it right. It takes practice, but every time you do it, it will become easier. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives & A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2014

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as  a constant dripping on a rainy day." Proverbs 27:15


  1. Great post! You are amazing. More precious than all the rubies and diamonds in the whole world. Never forget that!

  2. Have you ever treated a man this way? Does this rule only apply to that man you have the hots for? Or have you applied this to all men? Don't think any woman can ever be honest, so don't answer that. You have some unfinished business, don't you? You threw a friend away like garbage, and you've done nothing to correct it. Humility is the greatest pre-requisite for greatness! Don't let the one you've hurt remain hurt forever. No boyfriend can ever take the place of your best friends, even if your pastor told you to reject them. I did that to someone. I'm going to court this week to reverse something I did two years ago. I sold a friend out in favor of a jealous boyfriend, then a few months later I tried to reach out to that friend, but they couldn't respond. I heard my friend almost died, in fact the first reports were that they did die. I was mortified because I had listened to what others said to do, and showed no grace or mercy toward my friend. I even posted derogatory and hurtful things on Facebook about this friend, and then when directly questioned, I denied it publically. I assembled my parade of witnesses against him, and humiliated him. If your website is for real, then tell me in the name of Poppa that you have never done anything like this to any man...hawt or otherwise. The guilt always catches up with us! Blessings, sister!

    1. Hi, it sounds like you are deeply hurting and have bitterness growing because of unforgiveness. Everything I share is wisdom I have gleaned and learned from my own past mistakes. I also research and sit under great mentors. Wisdom is learning from the past mistakes of one's self or others. I don't pretend to have it all together- I just share what I feel could help someone else. I can tell your pain is deep. Hurting people hurt others and often criticize. Once you encounter true grace and love you only desire to love others. I suggest you completely surrender all of your hurts, disappointments and life to Poppa God. There's a great program called Heart Change. It's a program that helps those who have father wounds, pain from past relationships, etc. I went thru it and it set me free. Blessings to you.

  3. I just found you on facebook and followed over to here. Love this and it is true. I am guilty of a few of these things but have been working on them in the past almost 2 years. Growing up in an abusive home communication isnt the greatest way to learn how to communicate. After reading His needs Her needs and Love & Respect and with the help of my wonderful husband I am learning. Thank you for the blog.

    1. Thanks....I appreciate your encouraging comments. It's helpful to know if were making a difference. God bless you

  4. How does one show honor in an argument

    1. Listening intently to what the heart of the person you are fighting with. Not doing the above that is stated in our article....Being open and honest with yourself and your spouse. Honor is giving and doing what is best for the other person. It's extending grace and caring what their needs are. It's not resulting to deappreciating, devaluing, or dishonoring another....It's doing what Christ would do. We all have alot to learn about living a life of honoring others.

  5. Wow, I do all those things :-( it's so hard in the heat of the moment to fight the flesh. I really want God to change my heart!