Monday, July 15, 2013

Dear Single Men Who Are Trying For My Affections (Single Women Need To Read This Too)

 I can't tell you how many times I have kept myself in check and spoken not a word to the many men who seem to think they can catch my attention by mere easily said words and compliments. I normally just ignore them and don't even take the time to respond. I hear their hearts. I know some are just lonely and hurting. I do care that they are hurting, and I pray for them that what they're missing will be restored -the respect they feel they haven't received, their manhood and confidence ...but just because I am a single woman in leadership does not mean that I will fall easily as your prey. I'm a woman who learns from her mistakes, and the lessons and wisdom I have gained from them are tattooed to my heart and mind. I am too busy raising my daughters, running a full time ministry and building a business to be a part of the world of dating sites, looking around at every relationship status change or post someone makes. Your compliments -even if they are truly sincere- do not impress. They use to when I had a low self esteem. Flattering words alone are empty to me. Your words need to be backed up by your actions. And they must be consistent. You may be charming and love Jesus, but that doesn't make me quake at the knees. I expect God's best for me. I won't settle for anything less.
Through my brokenness and disappointments I have become wiser and stronger. My standards have been raised higher. My worth and value I have found through Poppa God, not by your romantic notions and pursuits.
Your pocketbook full of money does not impress me -it's what you do with it that does, and just because you can shower me with gifts does not mean that I can be bought. I am a woman who does love beautiful things -sparkly things, but your heart and character are what truly matter to me. If you're well known or even famous, that's nice. I'm not impressed by a name, but by the character behind it. Your reputation can seem appealing, but we all know that it could be lost in a moment of weakness.
I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not easily won. If you want to know what will win my heart, then you had better seek my Poppa God out for His approval. I will not chase after the affections of a man. I have found that my soul is satisfied with Jesus and His presence. Do I want to be alone? No. I love life and I love loving someone, but I will wait for a man who has the heart of a King. If you don't have integrity, then I can't admire you. There's just no way around that one. I desire a man of worship...who daily seeks and talks with the Holy Spirit. A man after God's own heart. I'm not expecting perfect -King David wasn't perfect. He had many flaws, but one thing I find irresistible is his longing to please God and to make music to His heart.
My most sacred dwelling place is where I spend time singing to the Holy Spirit. My bath time is one of my most holy places -my secret place. Even as a toddler I would sing out spontaneous songs to Him and He would sing back to me His love songs. I've done this all my life. Does your heart long for Him? Is your greatest pleasure experiencing and discovering more of Him? Stagnancy is something I can't stand. I am a woman who loves to learn and expand my mind and heart, reaching into the depths and layers of Him and all that He is. He is vast and wide and there is so much more of Him to find. A man who can daily inspire me in this way is pivotal. Warm and deep conversation is what creates a soulful and meaningful relationship to me.
Frankly, I don't want to be bored. I am always moving and striving to move forward. I view life as a journey that is meant to be adventuresome. Are you kingdom minded? What I mean is, do you make your most important decisions based on what is eternally lasting, or on momentary earthly stubble? I eat, sleep and breathe the desire to encourage and give hope to others. I feel most satisfied when I know I have made a difference to someone else. Hurting people are the ones I long to comfort and speak words of healing and life over -to help someone who's been rejected and help them know how much Poppa God loves them.
I've been called to the nations. As a young woman I believed and received the scriptures that said, "Ask of me and I will give you the nations as an inheritance." This is no easy feat, but it's my passion. I love people. I watch them -study their human behavior. I love different cultures and meeting new people from all walks of life. My partner of life has to be a man who likes to travel because I'm not a homebody kind of gal. My home will be his heart. Wherever he goes, I will go. His people will be my people -the people he is called to impact and encourage. This is my calling. To stand beside a leader -a man of substance and wisdom, a man who worships in spirit and in truth. His song will be my song. I love singing and harmonizing. Sing with me in the car, in the shower, or 30,000 feet in the air.
There are simple things I have learned to appreciate...a sunset, the sound of ocean waves, the smile of a stranger, a song on the radio. These please my heart.
As a woman, I have many sides to me. It frustrates me that men think they have figured me all out. If you are one of them, let me tell you, you haven't, because I won't reveal all of myself to you unless I can trust you and you have earned the right to know my many layers. I can be silly, quirky and playful. I'm a passionate woman in everything I do. If I say something, I mean it to the fullest. My words I write are the song of my heart beat.
I am a girly girl in every sense of the term. I love being a woman...wearing heels and dresses, makeup and sparkly things. I am fragile like an exotic flower, and like to be handled as such. I am old fashioned and traditional. I, at times, think I was born into the wrong era. I like having the door opened for me. I like the man to drive, for him to be in charge of the finances. I enjoy following his lead (If he has vision and knows where he is going). This does not mean I'm weak. I feel it's a rare and strong trait to let the man be a spiritual leader and to stand beside him as the encouraging help mate that God has called and purposed women to be. Loyalty is everything to me. I will protect whom I love. I will fight for what I believe in.
I'm not a back pocket kind of woman. I belong in the front next to your heart. I'm not a side dish. I'm the main course with all the extras. I am curvy, not fat. I will not become a stick or ever be model thin. I like my body as God has made it. I strive to maintain it. I believe in exercising and eating healthy. This does not mean I don't ever go through "frump girl" stages, because I do. I need a man who sees my beauty and reminds me when I have forgotten who I am; and though I'm passionate, I am not a sexual conquest. I cannot be your lover for a lifetime if Jesus is not the lover of your soul for eternity. This is my standard. I am God's daughter, and I expect to be treated as such.
I want to be romanced by you every day in the little things that you do. I love to snuggle up and hold your hand. These small things are big to me. Don't ever take me for granted just because I'm loyal and faithful. I expect to be cherished -sweetly spoiled. I want to be included in your time -quality time. Share with me your struggles, your spiritual experiences, the vulnerable and soft parts of your heart. If you have won my heart, I promise to protect and regard it as precious. Your joys are mine, your sadness mine, your dreams ...I want them all.
I am a creative person. I am always thinking, dreaming, planning, inventing, writing, etc. I have big dreams...ridiculous dreams. I won't share them unless I know you can respect them and believe in them too. I paint, I write, I sing, and I love to make things. I find it frustrating when I have an idea in my mind but I can't find it in the store. I was meant to be an entrepreneur. I have inventions I would like to market and license. I believe money is meant to be a used as a tool to accomplish what God has purposed and planned for you. Money invested in the kingdom of God is a returnable and wise investment. If you can't provide or pay your bills, I am not your kind of woman. I admire a man who has a vision and also handles his money with God's wisdom. Do you care about the poor, broken and the needy? It's not just writing out a check...It's passion, it's love, it's teaching and investing in other people's dreams. This is my heart. I do like material things (who doesn't?), but my number one agenda is touching lives. Money is a tool to do that.
What is valuable to me? My beautiful children. I'm a single momma, and it's hard -very hard. I never desired for my kids to be from a broken home. They have been hurt, disappointed, and abandoned. A man who sees my kids as a blessing and not as a burden is important to me. They are four beautiful amazing hearts of precious cargo. They need to be embraced, loved on, believed in, and invested in. We are a package deal, and even though they are almost grown and will be adults soon, they are a huge portion of my heart. They teach me and inspire me. This makes me determined that my dreams have to come true because their dreams need wings too.
Several years ago, as I was kneeling at an altar, I cried out to God in brokenness. I heard the Holy Spirit say, "I am sending you a Boaz." At the time I really didn't know much about the story of Ruth and Boaz. It wasn't the favorite Bible story I was taught in Sunday School as a child. I have had to embrace and learn about the heart of Ruth. She was on a long journey of tears, heartaches, and struggles. I can relate to her in many ways. I have been on this road too. I have found my pleasure and purpose to be helping others who have been hurting or abandoned like me. This ministry God has called me to do came out of my own ashes, brokenness, and abandonment. I sought my heart out layer by layer. I've had to come to terms with my own failures in my 13 year marriage. I've been honest with myself (not always easy but important), gleaned wisdom from those mistakes and have been sharing what I've learned with women who are struggling in their relationships with their husbands, and have been helping those whose husbands have left them and walked away from God and their families. I wish to speak healing and comfort to their hearts. I'm sticking to the promise Poppa God gave me.This has kept me going. I know that someday my Boaz will see me from across the field and come for me. Until then, I'm still in the fields of God's Grace being busy about my Heavenly Father's business. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2013


    1. This sounds good. I hear some unresolved issues. Is there something or someone from your past that you threw away, yet you still hold it or them dear to your heart? You say actions speak louder than words. Very true. I don't know you, sister, but you have something good going here. Take it from someone who undrtstands ministry. If you have any unfinished business, make it right. Then you can move to the next level of ministry. Shalom.

      1. Glory be to God in the highest and peace on earth and good will toward all men. This was so powerful my dear sister. Your and passions sound so much like mine. I could not have written it any better. I believe and know that all your dreams shall come in Jesus name. As you continue walk in Christ Jesus.He has heart your heart 1 John 5:14-15. He wil surely deliver you and set you on high and feed you milk and honey. Stay focused and He the Lord God Almighty will make it plain to you. Amen

    2. This post is almost 2 years old now. Somehow through the power of Google I ended up on this page, when my search term had nothing to do with this content. I wonder where you are at now in your life. Would you say the same things? Perhaps you found your elusive unicorn?

      My initial reaction is, "yikes". If I were a single man I'm not sure I'd want to pursue a relationship with you even if I ticked all your boxes. It sounds a lot like you've developed some unreasonable standards. The heart of a king? I'm not sure how you measure that but life is a process. We are rarely "something" but in reality approaching "something". The best any man can do is continue trying to have the heart of a king. In fact, I'm not sure that's the right way to look at it. I'd rather have the heart of a pauper. I'd rather have humility and overt kindness and thankfulness, charity and gratitude for the smallest things. I don't know any king that can claim that. David huh? You recall his infidelity to his wife right? Now, the story of David is one thing but we know how people work. Infidelity is often born of resentments and failings within a relationship or the individual. I know what you're saying, or, perhaps I know what you mean. Still, if you are after the kind of man that could dwell with you in Christ I think you could do better. No offense David...

      I know you wrote this as some form of encouragement or a teaching message, but as I read over it I feel it's more or less educating other people on who you are. To me you're saying, "I've set my bar based on Christ so don't bother trying to win me over unless you are perfect for me." Maybe I'm just coming at it from my slant. No one is perfect for anyone else over a lifetime. It is all work and change and effort and trial and error. Just look at our relationship with God. Yet he still chose to sacrifice his son for us. That's love. Not kingly hearts or shiny things. How great would your testament to God be if you chose imperfection, chose to love them anyway, chose to testify to the blessings from Him in your heart by loving and being in love with someone that wasn't perfect for you. There are the shiny things.