Beauty From Brokenness

We are almost half way through the 90 Day Challenge, and still women are joining. Praise God for His awesomeness in our lives. My week was very meaningful, fitful, moving, and even beautiful. A lot happened this week for me and, I believe, for you as well. Thank you so much for your prayers for my healing. Some even fasted for me- God bless you richly for that. There are not enough words to express my love and gratitude for you. I am on the way to being healed. He is healing me -it's a beautiful process. I know He is making a way even when there seemed to be no way. One thing pivotal for me- a huge eye opener to my heart- I was asked, "Have you forgiven yourself?" Wow. That stopped me in my tracks. "Why, no, I haven't." I said a prayer and got healed by letting go of the mistakes and unwise decisions I have made in the past -especially in the area of choosing to love men who won't love me back. My Dad wasn't around much growing up. Some of you know my story of being abandoned by two husbands- The last one broke my heart the most, because I can honestly say l love him the most. Heartache has been a painful journey, but God has been using it for good and has made me more beautiful because of it. I look at people differently. I know how to love unconditionally. To see others through Christ's eyes. I learned that a heart wanting to be loved is what we all crave. I learned you can't make someone love you. You can't make them stay, you can't make them keep their word or make them change. They have to choose themselves if they are going to love, stay, forgive, or walk away. I overcame something this week. I stopped chasing after affection. I gave up on man and realized it's pointless to try to get love from someone. One thing about passionately pursuing Jesus is that He pursues us too. He doesn't reject our love and He doesn't abandon. He loves us regardless. I noticed a lot of physical changes. My skin is just as smooth as butter- super silky!!! I tried on old clothes and they fit better and look better. I have to say I think my favorite body part right now would be my butt :) It's looking cute. I'm almost laughing at that, but it's true. My skin is golden from the tanning I have done- This is my reward for working out at the gym. I started taking ROYAL JELLY 2-3 times a day. It has been giving me a boost. You are what you eat- so I must be royalty :). My hunger has changed, and I don't just mean food. I'm into the Word more. I'm hungrier for spending time in His presence. Good changes...You can never get too much of GOD. :) I have been pushing my workouts more. It's good.

Being Pushed

Wow is all I can say, and thank you, God, that you're bringing changes to my life. I sometimes don't like to say the word "surrender" because it seems scary with the unknown that follows. My heart has been crying out for help in the areas that I need changing. There's plenty of need for change. Poppa God is pushing me out of my comfort zone, toward things He placed on my heart years ago: callings and gifts He has blessed me with. For so long I have been on an invisible shelf, collecting the dust of days going by. I'm sure part of it was just the process of growth and refining my character, but now that I have been stepping out into the water, I feel myself being dusted off by God and underneath the grime of disappointments, rejections of others, and insecurities. I find myself being made shiny and new -even pretty. It's something I felt I had lost, but I'm now realizing it was there all along, I just couldn't see it. I have gotten my music back, my singing in the Holy Spirit back, prophetic words and songs back, and I feel Him pushing me to start using those gifts and talents again. Scary, but fantastically cool. I just have to remember that He is with me. He is with me in all I do for Him. I'm not alone in this, and you're not alone in this -in what God has for you to do. God is with you as you step out in faith and allow yourself to be vulnerable to others. I see prayers being answered in my ministry of fighting for marriages and families. I see prayers being answered in my personal life as well -things I just about gave up on are coming forth. Wow, God! Sometimes I think we feel stuck in a dark, dank dungeon, and we can't ever get out, but sometimes I think Poppa God has already removed our shackles, but we don't notice. We're like elephants, who even though they are no longer chained and staked to the ground, won't go past the invisible line, because off their memory of being restrained. I must go past the length of chain I once was restrained by, and I hear Poppa God say, "You're free. You are truly free. MOVE"

I am hoping for and expecting the rest of the resources and tools I need to move forward into what God has called me to. A music team that flows in the spirit to prophetic songs. It will happen -courage and bravery to speak to the ladies at the women's retreat coming up -healing for my body. I'm praying and fasting this week. I've got to get away and hide in the cleft of the rock. I want to see His face more. That's the thing with His presence- it gets addictive, and there's nothing else that satisfies, but His LOVE. I pray all of you who are on your journey of transformation- you are "FREE" and you must walk past that barrier line that you have had for so long. There's so much more for you than you could ever comprehend. "You are free Oh, Daughter! Free!" Love ya gals, and I'm expecting to hear from you about what God is doing in your hearts, lives and bodies. Next level!!!