Mind and heart

It's been a while since I have written anything. Mostly because I just didn't want to face what I feel in my heart. Numbness would be so much easier. Make me numb and let me coast on by. It's been a long battle of praying, crying and trying to forget everything, but the insidious problem I have is that I have discovered that the heart has it's own memory -even more so than the tedious mind. I can tell it not to care or love, but it just won't relent...won't stop nagging me of the future. Have you ever been to your future before it was time? It can be frustrating to know what's ahead, It's like being a child on Christmas morning. You know the joy that's coming in the light of dawn. If we could just get past this dark patch...This confusing foggy night that's been so long. Why are we wandering so long? Why can't the mist lift and tears be wiped away for good? Why more tears? I turn around and he's not there...he's not there, and why? Why does the scent of him linger in the air at a time when I'm trying so hard to forget and let go like he has. I'm just a faded memory. Tick tock...there's an angel on my shoulder, and it's haunting me tonight. No matter where existence takes me, I'm always reminded of the emptiness of his absence, him not being there beside me.
He is gone, so why won't my mind stop harassing me? Why can't this heart forget? There are times I know that he's not okay. I feel it, sense it. My heart aches because I can't comfort his restlessness or rub my fingers through his hair and soothe his fears, but the reality is, he doesn't want me to be there for him.
Holidays...ugh. It's so hard when you see yourself without your loved one during beautiful moments. You turn, expecting them to be there, but all you see is an empty space beside you, all you hear is silence, and a harsh cold reality overtakes you that they aren't there with you to share life's adventures. Maybe since my heart has the memory of an elephant I should exchange it. Can I have a new one? This one seems to be flawed.

You Are A Precious Treasure

God loves you. No matter what your husband or any other man says to you, you are valued. You are treasured, you are God's precious gem and the apple of His eye. Your value is not based on a man's approval, but on the very fact that God made you unique and just the way you are. He cares about your pain and heartache. He collects your tears in His bottle and records each and every one of them. He loves you so much that while you are sleeping He strokes your head and He knows exactly how many hairs are on it. I know you may feel a mess right now- tired, broken, and scared, but He promises that He is with you and He will never leave you. He will take your wounded heart and bind it up in His love and heal it. It will take time, but let Him. If you trust Him, He will take the ashes of your disappointments and pain and He will turn them into a pile of His treasures and make you shine again. Let Him kiss your tears away. It's going to be ok. You are worth infinitely more than all the diamonds and rubies in the entire world!

Now Is The Time (A Spontaneous Song)

Now is the time

Time for rejoicing

Time for the sorrows and pain to fade away

All that is left is His radiant beauty

Shining down upon your face

All that was promised has come to pass

The tears that are falling

Are of gladness and joy

Now is the time

Now is the season

of nothing wanting or lacking

Time to be dancing

Twirling around in His favor and grace

Now is the time

the weight you were carrying

Has been lifted with His peace

Now is the time

to forget what is old

as now has come the new

Take off your garments of sadness

and wear new robes of Joy

You eat at the King's table

There is new wine and new oil

Your enemies are defeated

Those who spoke against you

now have to bless your name

Now is the time the season has changed

What was is no more

All that you have is new

and better than before

Now is the time

Time to sing a new song

Time to bless and give

to others and help them along the way

Time to be in the King's chamber

being close and dancing with Him

He kisses your forehead

and places a ring on your hand

You are His

Now is the time

for the golden rain to be falling

the season has changed

Rejoice and dance in it

It's falling-

the golden rain is falling

His grace and favor are falling

Soak it all in

Now is the time

the tears of sorrow and pain

are but a distant memory

What was against you

is now defeated

What was lost is now being found

What was stolen

is now being returned

better and paid double

The things held over you

Are now being cancelled

Your debts are cleared away

This is your time

this is your season

All that was promised has come your way