Father, Abba hold me

I don't understand this dark time in my life. I am truly overwhelmed by this mysterious sickness. It's more than I can bear alone. Why now? I'm trying to keep myself and the kids above water, yet this storm has come in, pouring down more difficulties than I can stand. I wish my husband never left. Right now, I miss the strength and bond of having a partner who stands beside you during fearful times. I am used to dealing with physical pain, but this...it's too much. I haven't been able to work. I haven't  been bedridden like this in a long time. It scares me. The pressure of having to provide for 4 lives is like tidal waves that just slam me to the ground over and over. School is coming -can't we have another month or 2 to prepare? All I want is comfort right now...someone to hold me and say it will be all right. But no one is there, and desperate tears are lost. I don't know how to do this. Sometimes it seems that all people can say are judgemental words, but gosh, I wish they understood what it was like in my shoes...alone. I can't take any more, Poppa. Where are You? Please hold me tight and take care of my babies, because I can't. Take away this dreadful sickness. Give me some relief. Just please hold me.

I Dream

Someday....

I see a bright sunny summer day
Seagulls and the smell of salty air
Smiles and tears of loved ones who are near
Speaking words of eternal devotion
Promises that are never broken
Tender vows spoken
Whispers of sweet everythings
Shades of aqua and nickel
   the colors of the sea..
The sun reflecting off the waves
Sand between our toes
Melting in an ever-fixed gaze upon the eyes of my lover
I'm dressed in white, a thin veil swept across my face
music wafting to listening ears
Sparkling symbols of true commitment wrapped around fingers
Staying true to each other, forsaking all others
'til the very last breath each soul breathes
First dance, champagne, celebration
candles, guitar, rose petals..the scent of innocence...naked, in warm embraces