Today is New Year's Eve, and so it's fitting to write this at this moment. A few days before Christmas, I learned the harsh and painful truth that what I was in love with was a pure lie. His touch, his glance into my eyes, his empty promise to stay true to me forever -they were all lies. I think of our wedding day and the pain seems both real and surreal -knowing he never intended or meant the words "I Do". It was just part of the sick, twisted and cruel game he played. I was the fool who so lovingly and willingly played, and now know I was never the prize. I would never win. There would only ever be loss for me. What makes a man use a woman like that? I was his pawn ...his trade-in until the next woman came along. Our wedding night, him playing his guitar, him telling me I was beautiful in the soaking pools, his arms cradling me in the water -it was all a lie.
I never imagined that I would marry a con-man. That isn't exactly a girl's dream to one day marry someone who would break her heart and cause destruction at every turn. A man like that has no conscience. A man like that has no thought for anyone or anything but himself. Heaven help him. Heaven, open up his eyes to see the darkness of who he is and what he does to vulnerable women who just desire to be loved and cherished like all women do. The tears -the thousands of tears on my pillowcase, and my knees that were sore from kneeling in prayer for a marriage that didn't even exist. Heaven deal with him. I just hope he doesn't hurt another one. I almost gave up my life because of him. Carrie Underwood has it right when she sings the song- Cowboy Casanova:
You better take it from me,
That boy is like a disease
You’re running, you’re tired, you’re trying to hide
And you’re wondering why you can’t get free
He’s like a curse he’s like a drug.
You get addicted to his love.
You wanna get out but he’s holding you down ‘Cause you can’t live without one more touch.
Chorus:
He’s a good time cowboy Casanova; leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water but he’s candy coated misery
He’s the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life
I see that look on your face, you ain’t hearing what I say
So I’ll say it again ‘cause I’ve been where you’ve been and I know how it ends, you can’t get away
Don’t even look in his eyes, he’ll tell you nothing but lies
And you wanna believe, but you won’t be deceived if you listen to me and take my advice
Chorus:
He’s a good time cowboy Casanova; leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water but he’s candy coated misery
He’s the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life
Run, run, run away don’t let him mess with your mind
He’ll tell you anything you wanna hear
He’ll break your heart it’s just a matter of time
But just remember-
Chorus:
He’s a good time cowboy Casanova leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water but he’s candy coated misery
He’s the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life
Oh you better run for your life,
Oh you better run for your life.
Thank God I found out the truth. Here I was a "free" bird and never even knew it. May I fly high and soar above all this, the cage that kept me a prisoner. I am free! Now every time I start to feel like I miss him, I'll just remind myself that it wasn't real. His love, his words, his touch, his conversations -they were all lies. You can't really love a lie now, can you?
No comments:
Post a Comment